How Do I Deal With His Friends That I Can’t Stand?
August 16, 2009
Hey Katie,
Dear Katie,
I went to camp in the morning for five days. I was the only girl there. I mostly hung out with this one guy there, Lance. I like him more than a friend, but it’s not like I totally love him. When we are alone, everything goes fine and we are a little flirty with each other, but not too much. He knows that I like him because he asked me if I liked Arnold and I said “no, I kinda like you.” He said “oh, in that case…” then he put his arm around me. I kind of pushed it off because the way he said “oh” I could tell that he was just exaggerating, but did have feelings. We both smiled and laughed.
The problem is, he has a friend there named Roger who ALWAYS makes some comment about me being a girl. For example, he will come up to me and be like “I cannot get this ring throught the tybe, I’m sure that you can help me [the ring] since you have the tube. He always has a rude comment like that. Sometimes he will come up to me and say stuff like “Nikolas over there told me that he wants to super glue himself to you.” Lance knows he does stuff like. Lance knows that stuff he says is false, but he doesn’t really make an effort to stop it. Also, Lance was telling me how this girl Hannah gave him her number, so I got the hint. I gave him my number and said “feel free not to use it,” I was kidding and he laughed too so I know he knew too.
What should I do, I want to keep in touch with Lance after camp, but I don’t want to present myself as a slut. Roger isn’t that big of a concern, but how can I keep him out of the way so I’ve noticed lately that Roger has rubbed of on Lance because Lance said “if he keeps bothering you just hit him in the balls,” that Lance I was getting to know wouldn’t say something like that. I want Lance to know the real me, not “Roger’s version.”
Love,
Natalie, 13
Dear Natalie,
You’re not always going to like your crush’s or boyfriend’s friends. And quite frankly you don’t HAVE to. However, you must still be polite and kind to them. Especially because this guy is still just your crush. His friends are very influential people in his life and if they don’t like you than that can have a strong impact on whether a guy decides to date you or not. Now I’m not saying you have to let this guy treat you poorly, but you have to be the bigger person and not be rude back. It will just make his friend look like an idiot if he is being crude to you and you handle it well by not being mean in response.
You also mentioned that the guy you like can often act like his rude friend at times. Guys often act differently when they are with their guy friends. Especially ones like Rodger. Try to find some time when you can be with Lance WITHOUT Rodger there. Remember it is the guy you want to date, not his friend…so give him a chance to show you who he really is away from his friends.
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