I Am Embarassed Of My Alcoholic Mom, Please Help!
August 16, 2009
Hey Katie,
I know this is a bit different to most of the other questions on here but I really don’t know what else to do so I just figured it was worth a shot.
So my mum’s an alcoholic and I really can’t take the abusive s*** anymore. She actually ruins everything for me, like on my 10th birthday I was apparently too naughty to deserve food and got sent straight to bed. I couldn’t sleep though because I was so hungry so I went downstairs and asked for a bit of bread but much to my delight I got told that I was an inconvenience and that it would have been better if I was never born.
My dad then felt sorry for me and gave me a sandwich so she through a burning hot frying pan at his head for being “weak”. She then told me that she was going to go kill herself so naturally I stood in the doorway trying to stop her leaving. She slammed me into the wall to get out her way and left. Much to my disappointment she came back the next day. I never told anyone anything about my mum and hardly ever have mates over.
Any suggestions as to what to do?
Any help is appreciated.
Natz, 15
Dear Natz,
Your mother is wrong for treating you that way. She is going through her own emotional turmoil and alcohol addiction and is taking her anger out on the people she is closest too…such as you. You will never be able to change your mom. She has to want to change. You can try to offer and get her help, like a counselor or rehab, but the chances of you convincing her are slim to none. Like I said, she has to want it.
Alcoholism is a very damaging addiction and can ruin people’s lives including the people they love. That is good that your dad stood up to her and that you at least have one decent parent that you can go to (I hope). If your mom does anything that physically harms you, you need to tell your dad or authorities. It is not OK for her to treat you poorly no matter what the reason is. Don’t listen to the mean things she says when she is drunk…she doesn’t truly mean it. She is under a very strong addiction that has control of her mind and actions.
People say a lot of hurtful things when they are drunk and angry. And most of the time when people threaten to commit suicide they don’t actually intend on following through with it. They are crying out for help. I’m not saying not to take her threats seriously, but know that she is trying to saying that because she thinks it will hurt you the most.
If life at home gets bad enough maybe you can go stay with a friend and her family for a while (with consent of your parents of course…or at least your dad). Tell your mom and dad that you are not OK with your current living environment and want to go live with your friend for a while. I am just giving you a suggestion of what you can do…I’m not telling you that you should run away by any means.
You either need to stay at home and try to deal with your mom the best you can, or try to work out a new living situation. If you are unable to leave or live somewhere else, find some after school activities like dance or a new sport that can keep you occupied and away from home more so you don’t have to be around your mom as much.
I hope that I was able to shed some light on your situation. I’m sorry that you have to deal with your mom’s problems. The best thing you can do for yourself is to not take any of what your mom says or does PERSONALLY. If you can keep yourself from taking any of this personally, you can protect yourself from her harmful words and actions. Also learn from her mistakes…now that you see the effects of alcoholism, think twice before drinking alcohol. When drinking gets out of control it is very dangerous and damaging.
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