How Do You Know If Your In Love Or If It’s Just An Infatuation?
August 21, 2009
Hi Kate,
Okay, so there’s this one boy, I’ve known him since the fifth grade. He was a new student at my school. I didn’t like him at first though. I had thought he liked me since he kept on following me around and staring at me. And since then I started to slowly like him, day by day, and like when I told him I liked him, he didn’t say anything. After that day, it was like an “awkward” moment for us. We didn’t talk as usual.
And six grade came… we started to talk a little bit more, but still awkwardness. So to make things right, I decided to tell him I didn’t like him anymore and it was so last year’s news, but deep inside I knew I still do. Then I had told one of my closest friends and like they started to embarrass me by saying, “Hey! She is asking you out” & stuff like that, it was very embarrassing. I kept on saying “eww, the f*ck I don’t” to try to defend our friendship. Anyhow, we graduated “elementary” and like now we are in different middle school/Jr.high school. I’m still thinking about him, I think about how he laughs and how he’s funny & stuff like that.
I sometimes got insomnia. I had many dreams about him. I sometimes even think he’s the one. But now, I don’t know what I should do, should I give up on him or should I wait ?
Lina, 13
Dear Lina,
Sometimes when you have liked a guy for a while and think about him a lot, the energy towards him builds up and it may seem like you are liking him more and more. But it is really just your feelings getting built up and more intense over time, until he seems like the only guy in the world. But that is not the case and it doesn’t mean your in love, it’s an infatuation.
You have been sending him some mixed signals, so he is probably pretty confused and doesn’t know what to think. You say he likes you, then you don’t, then your friends are saying you still do…you get the point. He doesn’t know how you feel for sure so he is probably playing it safe by giving you space.
If you want the awkwardness to go away, you have to start by acting as if you are comfortable around him (EVEN if you really aren’t!) If he is around you and you are feeling awkward about what happened in the past, then he will sense your awkwardness and he will feel it too. Feelings are contagious. When you are around happy people, it is much easier to be happy, right? So if you act like nothing is bothering you and that you are confident in yourself, he will feel good when he is around you too.
But if he still feels weird when you are around him after you attempt to hang out with him again, don’t worry, it’s not you. He might just be kinda shy and awkward around girls… especially the ones that like him. If that is the case you may want to focus your energy on something or someone other than him so that you can move on and realize that it was just an infatuation.
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