My Mom Married My Boyfriend’s Dad! Please Help!

Comments (5)
September 9, 2009

Dear Katie,

This is my first time asking a question and it’s quiet a long one so please excuse me. Basically there’s this boy Danny and he’s nearly 17 and I’m a year and three months younger. I used to like him and we were in love secretly. He actually kissed me once and then my mom and his dad were seeing a lot of each other. We didn’t know at first. They went on at least 11 dates before we knew and by then it was too late they liked each other. They’d kiss in front of us and my mom would babble on about his dad to me. I didn’t want to destroy her dreams.

When dad left three years ago she started drugs and drinking and I didn’t want to break her down again. I thought it’d only be a going out nothing more so me and Danny continued going out. We’d make out and everything. I even trusted him to have sex with. I don’t know why that smile would make me melt. Then our parents announced that Chris, his dad, proposed to my mom. I was so speechless. I avoided Danny until the wedding. Oh he looked so cute as the best man. And they are two months into there marriage. Danny keeps trying to kiss me and get time alone with me. Sneaking into my room at night times.

The thing is, them married changes every view of Danny for me. It’s like I’m kissing my brother. I love him but I just can’t love him if they are married. But I can’t resist giving him a kiss every day. Do you think what I’m doing is right? Also I can’t tell mom about Danny she made me swear that I wouldn’t go out with a bad boy until I was old enough and she would never approve of Danny. She would send me to live across the world with my gran. That way she’d know I wasn’t seeing him. Am I doing the right thing IS THIS RIGHT please help and sorry for the long letter.

Love Nicole, 15

Dear Nicole,

Honestly there is NOTHING wrong with you liking him and being with him. He is not your REAL brother. Your parents just happened to get married to each other while you were already going out. It is perfectly fine if you wanna continue to have sex with him and date him since it sounds like you guys still really like each other.

Think about it this way. If your mom had found out about you two dating BEFORE she started dating his dad, do you think that would have stopped her? Probably not! She wouldn’t have thought twice about dating his dad. Try not to see it as him being your brother. He is still the same guy you feel in love with. He’s just the son of the guy your mom married.

However, your friends at school might think differently though. You may not wanna tell all your friends at school about him so that rumors don’t get spread. You don’t want people going around saying you are having sex with your brother. Kids in high school are VERY immature and won’t understand. They will twist it around and make it sound way worse.

Understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with continuing to be with this guy. Just keep it to yourself, it is your private life and no one needs to know right now. They will only make you feel insecure about being with him, when there is no reason to feel that way.

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5 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. mari

    i think it kinda mean that your mom would do that and if you realy like this boy countinue to see him nomatter wat


  2. n/a

    yeah my dad is marrying my boyfriends mom and my friends found out at school. it was soo embarrassing and i hated waking up in the morning knowing that i had to go to school. we live with eachother and we have our hard times. i dont care what people think honestly. think of it this way… u live with the person u love and dont have to worry about gettin rides or wondering where he is all the time. because he is always with you and you learn more about him, weather its a good or bad thing. more benefits for you! my dad is suppose to marry her soon and it sucks but im just trying to ignore it. its so rude of my dad to do this to me. before my dad and his gf got together, my bf and i have been dating for two years! im not letting something like this ruin somethin that is soo good!!

  3. rath

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  4. I was married once in my 20’s and it was a DISASTER. The creep I married lived at home with his parents and had bills up the wazoo. I had a good job with benefits, a nice car and a condo my Mother and Step-Father helped me to buy. Looking back I realize the pig only married me to live off of me and he refused to give any money towards paying the monthly bills, even after we bought a home together–so I was forced to work overtime constantly which has resulted in poor health now (I have severe osteoporosis and numerous fractures)at age 51. Thank God I got rid of that p.o.s. and although I ended up getting mixed up with another abusive psycho who beat me up and fractured my spine (rendering me permanently disabled) I would NEVER have stayed married to such a horrible excuse of a human. I feel that there are two reasons that my life turned out the way is has and one being that I married a pig who tricked me pretending to be in love and only had eyes on my bank account and the fact that he “conditioned” me to an abusive relationship screaming, yelling, throwing stuff, punching holes in the walls every month when I asked him for money to help pay his expenses. Threats and intimidation have no effect on me and I feel that is the reason why. This greedy thief would drive around with 4 or 5 uncashed paychecks in the glove compartment of his car and refuse to give me even $50 to cover a mortgage payment (always accusing me of “ripping him off”!!) so my checks would bounce and we’d get a late fee.(Interestingly enough he ALWAYS had plenty of $$ for golf, bars and Strip Clubs with his friends).Before you judge any and all women out there as to why they lost interest in men, marriage and family take a moment to think about what horrors some of us women have experienced.

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