Should I Be More Jealous To Show I Care About Him?
August 21, 2009
Hi Katie,
I recently started going out with this guy, we just have two weeks of going out and we already have a lot of problems. See he wants me to be more controlling & to tell him who to talk to and who not to, he wants me to tell him not to go out with his friends & I really don’t want to do that because I’m afraid that he’s going to get tired of me later on! He asked me if I’m not afraid of losing him.
He also wants me to stop talking to this guy friend that I have because he doesn’t like him. I really don’t know what to do should I be more controlling & be the jealous type of girlfriend so he stays with me? I really don’t wanna lose him!
Sandy, 16
Dear Sandy,
It sounds like this guy is fishing for signs that you care about him and that you don’t want to lose him. Sometimes when a person in a relationship is acting jealous, the other person feels like they care. This is not a healthy way of expressing your feelings in a relationship, but can happen in some cases. Guys and girls both like to have some sort of validation of the other persons feelings in a relationship.
We all like to know that they are into us as much as we are into them! Tell him that you trust him and are not the jealous type of girlfriend that would do those things he is asking you to do. It is actually better that you trust him and aren’t telling him what he can and can’t do.
Instead, show him in other ways that you care and don’t want to lose him. For example, you can tell him how wonderful and special he is and that you think he is a great boyfriend. By giving him affection and confirmation of your feeling for him in these other ways, he might stop seeking that jealous behavior from you.
But if he continues to try and control you and who you hang out with, ask yourself if that is the kind of guy that YOU want to be with. Jealousy is usually a symptom of insecurity and it usually doesn’t get much better if the guy is already acting jealous in the first two weeks. Just monitor how you feel when he tells you that you can see certain friends, and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Don’t go changing all your friends for him, cause if it doesn’t work out and you’ve abandoned all your friends, you will not have anyone to turn to.
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