My Parents Are Always Fighting, What Should I Do?
November 4, 2008
“Hi, My parents fight alot at home. When I was 11 I got really sick and the doctors said that I had a severe case of anxiety about my parents. (honestly, I don’t even remember worrying about it back then, but that’s beside the point). Anyway, they stopped for a while, but now they’re back at fighting.
They always insist that they won’t break-up, but the fights are so bad sometimes that I wonder wether or not the only reason they haven’t broken up is because they’re worried about something happening to me like when I was 11.
What do you think? What should I do?”
~ Samantha, 14
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“Dear Samantha,
I can totally relate to this question. My parents were the same way! They fought all the time but always told me they would never get divorced. I was almost kinda hoping they would get divorced just so they would stop fighting! Anyways, it is hard having to listen to them fight, I know. But the hardest thing for you to do is going to be realizing that there is noting you personally can do to stop them from actually fighting.
It is your parents relationship between each other and only they have control over their actions. I remember when I was 15, my sister and I finally sat my parents down and talked to them about their fighting and set bondaries with them. The bondaries were that they could not fight around us or any where that we could hear them. And that when they were mad at each other they couldn’t talk badly about each other. So maybe you can sit down with them and let them know that you are worried about them fighting. Just open up the doors to communication between you and your parents and set some boundaries so that you don’t have to be around the fighting anymore.
So I realize that this does not solve the problem of your parents fighting, I don’t think that is within your control and that you can actually make them stop. If they are going to fight, they’re going to fight. But at least if you set boundaries and make them aware of how their fighting effects you…then at least you will not have to listen to it or be around it.
Unfortunatly we can not control other people’s actions, so your parents may or may not respect these bondaries. All you can do is try. xoxo Katie
The best thing you can do for yourself is to realize that you are not causing any of this and that their problems are separate from you. They want the best for you, they are just caught up in their own drama right now.”
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