I Feel That I am Not Good Enough For My Boyfriend…
January 6, 2009
Hello Katie,
I often feel that I’m not good enough for my current boyfriend (whom I have been with for a little over a year now). He comes from a very intelligent family and is respectably intelligent himself.
Though I feel confident that I am intelligent and level-headed, it is obvious that my boyfriend is much more academically inclined than me. A lot of it has to do with how we were raised, as it was very different.
Now he is hinting at an engagement and my concern is that I am not the best person for him due to our intellectual differences. (Albeit everything else is very compatible.)
I’m not sure how to reconcile with this issue or feeling and have lately thought of taking some time apart to give him the opportunity to assess our capacity for happiness in light of our differences. I’m not quite sure what to do but now that the holidays are over and life is settling down, a discussion is in order.
Carol
Dear Carol,
When one person has more intelecutal intelligence than you, it can seem intimidating. But you have to remember that having book smarts is not everything, there are tons of stuff you are better at than him. But instead of trying to be just like him, or out do him in other areas to prove you are better, try to see it as you both having good qualities to bring to the relationship and that you can learn from each other.
It seems like you guys are on the same page and in-sink with all other aspects of the relationship. Is it only you that is bothered by the difference in intelligence, or is he? If it is just you, and he is ok with it, it may just be an insecurity of some sort on your part. So remember that you are a very intelligent person…i can tell by the way you write that you are intelligent, so just because he may know more about one subject does not make you any less worthy than him.
He is talking about marrage so he sees something in you that is of great value to him…there are qualities you have that are far more impacting to him than having the same intelligect. This is a good thing because it means he is not with you for what you know but for who you are. Having a special connection to someone who has a great heart and is fun to be with, is far greater quality than having book smarts. Explore that connection you have with him. You are bringing to him something that he loves. Be confident in your value.
xoxo Katie
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