How Do I Break Up With Him?
February 2, 2009
Hi Katie,
“I met this guy in 2005, when I was undergoing chemo & having numerous operations. I did, not really want the involvement of a relationship at the time & I felt weighed down by him so I ended it. In October 2008, we met up again we’ve been out a few times for drinks and pub lunches, but nothing more, because of the way I treated him last time I felt I needed to make an effort this time, so I invited him over to my home, for tea and drinks.
I sent him really nice texts to say I enjoyed his company and drinks, and would he like to do it again next week, I got no response, he stayed overnight over Christmas, and the relationship furthered. There was no fireworks on my side, in fact nothing, afterwards he asked me if I enjoyed it, this left me wondering what I was doing.
He makes me feel like he wants me to chase him, but gives nothing back, he texts me once or twice a day, just to tell me about work, and his family, I’ve tried to finish it, but he said he would change, by ringing me, but still the conversations are about work. He never asks or tells me that we are going out, he waits for me to do all the work.
I feel the relationship is doomed before it starts, also when I talk to him on the phone or face to face he has this irritating laugh that interrupts the conversation, he says it’s a nervous laugh, he is getting on my nerves and I’m finding the situation boring, how do I end this without tears, from him, please help”
~Angel
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Dear Angel,
It definetly sounds like you are not into this guy and there are no sparks. Since you are doing all of the work and calling him and making effort to hang out, then stop making the effort and see what happens. He might just drop it to and not pursue you further. But if he does start pursing you now that you stop (which is very likely) you may want to tell him you are just looking for friends right now.
I know that line is used a lot, but just use yourself as an excuse and tell him that with everything going on in your life you are not ready to be in a relationship or date right now. But try not to explain too much or go into too much detail….keep it short and sweet and be matter-of-fact about it so there is no room for him to doubt or question your decision. Let him know you want to be just friends and stand by your decision.
I have found that overall the best way to reject a guy is not to tell them about all their imperfections and make them see how bad they are for you (because they won’t change anyway) but to tell them that you are not ready to be in a relationship or date right now. It’s perfectly fine if you don’t like him, there is obviously no chemistry and he probably wont be too surprised. I’m sure he is sensing that you are not that into him.
xoxo Katie
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