Hi Katie,

One of my best friend sits next to this boy in our science class, and she thinks he likes her. I think it’s ridiculous for kids our age to “like each other” but that’s what my friend thinks. One of my other best friends said I should ask one of the boy’s friends if he likes my friend. So, that’s what I did.

Then, when I told my friend what I did, she said that I shouldn’t have done that because now the boy she sits next to in science probably thinks she likes him because his friend will probably tell him. My friend who told me to do that said she had only been joking, when she she had been bugging me to do it all day.

Now my friend who thinks the boy likes her is mad at me, although she won’t admit it. And the worst part is, he doesn’t even like her!!!!!! What should I do?????

Catherine, 11

Dear Catherine,

When it comes to your friends starting to like boys, it can be a very sensitive subject! It is very easy for them to get embarrassed jealous or upset if any little thing goes wrong!

Tell your friend you are sorry for interfering and that you thought that you were just helping her. Be sincere and don’t get defensive if she gets angry. Tell her that you understand why she is upset but you really didn’t mean any harm and wont say anything to any guy or his friends in the future. Realize that she is just embarrassed and didn’t want this guy to think that she likes him…especially since she has to sit next to him in class everyday! You would probably feel the same way if you were her!

There is really nothing you can do to erase the situation since the guy already knows that she likes him. All you can do is apologize to your friend and know for in the future not to ask a guy anything like that unless your friend specifically asks you too.

I can see that your intent was good, but you just need to be more careful when it comes to your friends and the guys they like. Sometimes even if you mean well, you can hurt peoples feelings. It really helps to put yourself in their shoes and see what you would want your friend to do before you do something. At your age, girls can be REALLY sensitive when it comes to boys they like!

Hi Katie,

Thank you so much for your advice you’ve already giving me! The guy I told you about hasn’t been hanging around me as much as he used to and our friendship is quickly slipping away. Please help. Thanks! (P.S You rock!) =)

Kennedy, 13

Dear Kennedy,

Instead of standing back and watching your friendship slip away, be proactive and try to keep your connection going. If he has stopped calling and hanging out, take the initiative and call him and invite him to hang out.

He may have other things on his mind right now or something in his personal life that is going on.
All you can do is try and include him more so that he doesn’t drift away. If he continues to give you the cold shoulder, then give him some space to let him do whatever it is he needs to do.

Hey Katie,

Recently me and one of my closest friends got in a huge fight. She has jealousy issues and always got mad at me when I wouldn’t talk to her for 10 minutes.
Well now I was just trying to let us cool down but she’s prank calling and telling lies to people, and trying to make me jealous by laughing for no reason when she’s standing by some of my friends that are her friends too.

Any advice for stopping this would be great

Amy, 13

Dear Amy,

She is trying to get a reaction out of you. She may have taken it personal when you did certain things (like not talk to her for 10 minutes) and she felt hurt. So she may be doing these things to make you feel hurt back. Some how you made her feel jealous now she wants you to feel jealous.

Here is what you do. Don’t let her see you react to her little pranks! Act as if it doesn’t bother you one bit! After a little while, she will see her little schemes aren’t working and she will lose her interest in doing them. This will also make you the bigger person in the situation…don’t feed into her little games and do them back to her. It will only make you look immature.

And if you wanna be friends with her again at some point, it will make it easier for you to go back to being chummy again if you just put and end to the fighting rather than egging it on. Act polite yet distracted when you are around her and don’t let her see that her jokes and pranks are bothering you. Go on with you day as you normally would and try to stay happy and in bright spirits.

Dear Katie,

This is my first time asking a question and it’s quiet a long one so please excuse me. Basically there’s this boy Danny and he’s nearly 17 and I’m a year and three months younger. I used to like him and we were in love secretly. He actually kissed me once and then my mom and his dad were seeing a lot of each other. We didn’t know at first. They went on at least 11 dates before we knew and by then it was too late they liked each other. They’d kiss in front of us and my mom would babble on about his dad to me. I didn’t want to destroy her dreams.

When dad left three years ago she started drugs and drinking and I didn’t want to break her down again. I thought it’d only be a going out nothing more so me and Danny continued going out. We’d make out and everything. I even trusted him to have sex with. I don’t know why that smile would make me melt. Then our parents announced that Chris, his dad, proposed to my mom. I was so speechless. I avoided Danny until the wedding. Oh he looked so cute as the best man. And they are two months into there marriage. Danny keeps trying to kiss me and get time alone with me. Sneaking into my room at night times.

The thing is, them married changes every view of Danny for me. It’s like I’m kissing my brother. I love him but I just can’t love him if they are married. But I can’t resist giving him a kiss every day. Do you think what I’m doing is right? Also I can’t tell mom about Danny she made me swear that I wouldn’t go out with a bad boy until I was old enough and she would never approve of Danny. She would send me to live across the world with my gran. That way she’d know I wasn’t seeing him. Am I doing the right thing IS THIS RIGHT please help and sorry for the long letter.

Love Nicole, 15

Dear Nicole,

Honestly there is NOTHING wrong with you liking him and being with him. He is not your REAL brother. Your parents just happened to get married to each other while you were already going out. It is perfectly fine if you wanna continue to have sex with him and date him since it sounds like you guys still really like each other.

Think about it this way. If your mom had found out about you two dating BEFORE she started dating his dad, do you think that would have stopped her? Probably not! She wouldn’t have thought twice about dating his dad. Try not to see it as him being your brother. He is still the same guy you feel in love with. He’s just the son of the guy your mom married.

However, your friends at school might think differently though. You may not wanna tell all your friends at school about him so that rumors don’t get spread. You don’t want people going around saying you are having sex with your brother. Kids in high school are VERY immature and won’t understand. They will twist it around and make it sound way worse.

Understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with continuing to be with this guy. Just keep it to yourself, it is your private life and no one needs to know right now. They will only make you feel insecure about being with him, when there is no reason to feel that way.

Hey Katie,

I am in serious need of help. In science my friend was texting this guy and then he sent her a picture she asked me my opinion I said he was hot. That night he asked for my msn and she gave it to him and me and him were really getting along, but I think she started to get jealous (I didn’t like him and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me back)

Anyways, I got his number he got mine but then people started telling me she was saying stuff about me and then she stopped talking to me for a while. Soon after we were friends again but then she started telling people I was a slut. Then she got over telling everyone AND NOW SHES STARTING AGAIN BUT IT’S ABOUT A DIFFERENT GUY! What do I do?

Tanya, 15

Dear Tanya,

If guys like you better than your friend (as it seems they do from what you wrote) than there is a very good chance she is just jealous of you. When girls get jealous of another girl, they try to tear her down and make themselves look better by making her look worse. Your friend might be doing this to you. She is trying to make you look bad because she feels that it will make her feel better about herself and maybe guys will like her more than you. Instead of getting angry with her, you should feel bad for her that she has to do those kinds of things to her friend because she wants to feel better about herself. She is insecure and probably sees confidence in you that she wishes she had. Try and ignore her comments…I’m sure others can see through her motives too. She is most likely not doing it to be mean to you and make you feel bad, she is acting out of jealousy and feeling that she is in competition with you.

If you wanna continue your friendship with her, you can try to help her boost her own confidence and point out to her positive things about herself that she can focus. Like for example, “Wow, you are so good at talking with guys, I wish I was that comfortable with flirting”. This way, if she feels that there are some qualities she has that you don’t, she wont feel that she has keep tearing you down to feel better. She will find confidence without being at your expense.

However, you can also choose to not be friends with her anymore. If she continues this pattern of destructive rumors with your dating life, you may wanna reconsider why you are even friends with this girl. You may find that you are better off without her.

Dear Katie,

I have a problem and I really need help. I really like this guy for three years. I have recently told my friends that I like him this year. And I think he likes me too because he always winks and smiles at me when ever we see each other. The only problem is my friends say he is a jerk. But they only see him when he is with the so called “popular” group with all the jocks.

I think he just acts like that when he is around his friends. Because when I talk to him he is so sweet and caring because were like best friends and always hang out. I’m just lost please help.

Elaine, 12

Dear Elaine,

It’s good to listen to your friends sometimes when they are trying to help you avoid something bad. But in this case it sounds like you know this guy a lot better than your friends. Go with your gut instinct. Deep down do you believe this guy is a good and honest guy like when he is with you?

If so, then tell your friends, “thank you for letting me know what you think about him but I really like him and I have seen a different side. I will take my chances” And don’t be mad at them or rude to them for trying to warn you. Be courtious and appriciative to them that they shared their opinion, but at the same time do what you feel is best for YOU. Afterall your friends are not the ones who would be dating him, YOU would be.

Hi Katie,

So I have been going out with my boyfriend for about six months and we have never been on any sort of “date”. My mom said she has to go with me… which I don’t get because it is only to the movies or whatever. I love my mom but she is being annoying and I don’t think she even wants me to see him outside of school help!

Kalianna, 13

Dear Kalianna,

I agree! A date would be no fun with your mom there. So here is what you can do. She doesn’t want you to be with him alone, right? So arrange a group date with some of your friends and your boyfriend to go to the movies or someplace. You will be in a public place and with other people, so what can really happen? That way you are allowed to go without your mom, and you get to see your boyfriend too outside of school.

Your mom is probably afraid of you guys being alone together and you getting pregnant. Reassure her that you will not be alone together and that you will be responsible and make good decisions. If worse comes to worse and she still doesn’t agree, you can always meet up with your friends and conveniently forget to tell your mom that you invited him to join you.

Hi Katie,

What do I do now that I told my bff guy friend that I loved him he said he loved me too and he kissed me and I loved it.
But then he asked out my bff girlfriend!!! I told her how I felt about him and she said, “so like it’s my problem!?” What do I do?

Nina, 14

Dear Nina,

Your friend is not being considerate of your feelings. You may wanna think about why you are friends with her in the first place if she is treating you like that. And as for the guy, be glad your friend ended up with him and not you, because that was not right of him to tell you he loved you and then ask your best friend out.

You may wanna spend time with your other friends for a little while to help you get your focus away from the two of them. That way you wont have to see them together. It could be quite awkward I’m sure.

Hi Katie,

I’ve heard you are awesome at this stuff, and I have A huge PROBLEM!!!

So OK I’ve been going out with this guy for about two weeks and there is this good friend of mine (Lisa) who is going out with another guy. Lisa and my boyfriend hate each other and always have. But me and her boyfriend really like each other! He wants us to dump our partner and go out but that is kinda mean. But I don’t know what to do because I really really really like him!!! Help me!!!

My friend really likes him too but he hates her and was too nice to say no when she asked him out.
I don’t want to hurt her because I’m scared she wont want to be my friend anymore.

Jenna, 12

Dear Jenna,

It’s really not cool to date your friend’s boyfriends no matter how much he likes you or you like him. It will damage your friendship and she will be extremely hurt and feel backstabbed. If you are not happy with your current boyfriend and don’t like him that much, then break up with him. But don’t do it just so you can date your friends boyfriend.

Also, be careful of this guy because he might be playing games. He is telling you that the only reason he went out with your friend because he didn’t wanna hurt her feelings… but it is possible that he is just saying this to make you think he doesn’t like her and that he only likes you. Sometimes guys say these things like this because they like you both of you and want to convince both of you that you are special and are the only guy he likes!

Think about it, if he really didn’t like her at all he would have dumped her by now. Find out from Lisa how he talks to her…does he tell her he really likes her and compliments her? He could saying the same thing to her as he is to you…so beware!

However, if a considerable amount of time has passed (like a year or more), and you still like this guy, than it would be fine if you were to date him. If you and Lisa are still friends you definitely need to check with her first to make sure she is OK with you and him dating. She will most likely be fine with it since so much time has passed, but she will appreciate that you considered her feelings and asked her before you decided to date him. Always respect your friends and treat them well, and never dis them for a guy!

Hi Katie,

I have a problem please help me! I love my cousin who is in the UK. I live far from him but my one cousin live there I told her all that I love him and my cousin to whom I love just talked to her about me that I am so cute and stuff like that … but now my cousin is changing that he never said anything like that and he said why would I love her she said he doesn’t love me.

It really hurts me. Last time when I go there in UK my brother always tease him about me because he spends most of his time with me. Does he love me too?Aand what should I do now I am going there in this month?

Emma, 16

Dear Emma,

The only way to find out how he feels about you is to ask him. Don’t ask your other cousins or brother anymore because it sounds to me like the message gets distorted as it goes from them to you. What he is telling them may not be what they are telling you. It’s like the game of telephone…by the time it reaches the last person, the message is completely different than what it originally was!

So clear up the lines of communication and talk directly with him when you go to visit. But don’t expect too much from him because you live far away and he IS your cousin, so the chances of having any kind of real relationship or future with him is pretty slim.

Hi Katie

I have a question about friendships…okay here’s the story so at school there was this freshman that had a major crush on my boyfriend and they had one class together which was home ec. and she would often flirt with him and he found her rather annoying one of my best friends was in this class as well and they usually hung out to avoid the freshman…so a couple weeks later she (the freshman) comes up to my group of friends and tells them that my boyfriend had been flirting with her and he wouldn’t stop texting her.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while and he likes me sooo much so my friends came and told me what she had said and at first I was upset but I thought about it and I really trusted him and I knew he wouldn’t do anything like that so I asked him and he told me the entire story with honesty and it sounded real rather than what she had said.

So I confronted the girl and asked her and she dragged it on for three days and my boyfriend and I had been fighting about it this whole time when she finally decides to come clean and tell me that she had been lying about everything and that she really liked him…so when the air was cleared I was happy and went and told my friends the truth of what she said and once I did they got upset and instantly got mad.

Well at least two of the girls and the one I didn’t expect to get upset didn’t but soon later I found out that she had told other people I was talking bad about them when I wasn’t…and they would do things to me and so it got so bad it ended up in the school office with one of my counselors and I explained to her that I didn’t understand why they would’ve gotten upset and angry that it was true that he never flirted…and now the group of girls and I aren’t friends but I wanted to know what your take on this was…? why they could’ve possibly gotten mad that he didn’t flirt?

Laura, 16

Dear Laura,

You wanna know why your friends got mad when you told them that your boyfriend didn’t flirt. From what you have told me, it sounds like the girls were trying to warn you that your boyfriend was flirting, and when he told you he wasn’t maybe they didn’t believe him.

The only thing I can see that would possibly make them upset is if they still think that your boyfriend is being dishonest to you and they are offended that you are listening to him and not them. If this is the case try and listen to what your friends have to say and let them voice their opinions…and then try to explain to them again why you trust your boyfriend. They don’t know your boyfriend as well as you do obviously…so maybe you and your boyfriend can sit down together and talk to your friends about what happened and that he is trustworthy.

Your friends might just be trying to protect you…so be kind to them and thank them for looking out for you… let them see that they have nothing to worry about and that your boyfriend does not intend any harm for you.

Dear Katie,

I have a boyfriend and I like him a lot, but I don’t know how to talk to my mom about him. She knows I have a boyfriend because she saw online, but she doesn’t know him. We’ve never really talked about guys before. Yesterday he asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him. My best friend and her boyfriend are going too so it’s not like we will be alone. We have been going out for almost four weeks and I really want to go, but I don’t know how to ask my mom. My mom told me she doesn’t want me to be alone with him. That’s the only thing she said about him though. I’m scared of what she will say and I don’t know how to ask or how to bring it up. Please help.

Thanks,
Kenzie, 14

Dear Kenzie,

Usually parents feel like they don’t want to seem nosy and interfere in your life so they don’t ask. Your mom is probably very curious about your boyfriend and would love to hear about him. It sounds like it will be OK with your mom if you go to the movies since you are not going alone. I think you are just afraid she will say no.

When you go to talk to her, talk to her like you always do and ask her without feeling like there is something she will disapprove of. If she senses that you are apprehensive about asking her, then she will be suspicious that you are up to something that you shouldn’t be. I think she will say yes since there is really nothing wrong with you wanting to go to the movies with your friends and boyfriend. Good luck sweetie!

Hey Katie,

I know this is a bit different to most of the other questions on here but I really don’t know what else to do so I just figured it was worth a shot.

So my mum’s an alcoholic and I really can’t take the abusive s*** anymore. She actually ruins everything for me, like on my 10th birthday I was apparently too naughty to deserve food and got sent straight to bed. I couldn’t sleep though because I was so hungry so I went downstairs and asked for a bit of bread but much to my delight I got told that I was an inconvenience and that it would have been better if I was never born.

My dad then felt sorry for me and gave me a sandwich so she through a burning hot frying pan at his head for being “weak”. She then told me that she was going to go kill herself so naturally I stood in the doorway trying to stop her leaving. She slammed me into the wall to get out her way and left. Much to my disappointment she came back the next day. I never told anyone anything about my mum and hardly ever have mates over.

Any suggestions as to what to do?

Any help is appreciated.

Natz, 15

Dear Natz,

Your mother is wrong for treating you that way. She is going through her own emotional turmoil and alcohol addiction and is taking her anger out on the people she is closest too…such as you. You will never be able to change your mom. She has to want to change. You can try to offer and get her help, like a counselor or rehab, but the chances of you convincing her are slim to none. Like I said, she has to want it.

Alcoholism is a very damaging addiction and can ruin people’s lives including the people they love. That is good that your dad stood up to her and that you at least have one decent parent that you can go to (I hope). If your mom does anything that physically harms you, you need to tell your dad or authorities. It is not OK for her to treat you poorly no matter what the reason is. Don’t listen to the mean things she says when she is drunk…she doesn’t truly mean it. She is under a very strong addiction that has control of her mind and actions.

People say a lot of hurtful things when they are drunk and angry. And most of the time when people threaten to commit suicide they don’t actually intend on following through with it. They are crying out for help. I’m not saying not to take her threats seriously, but know that she is trying to saying that because she thinks it will hurt you the most.

If life at home gets bad enough maybe you can go stay with a friend and her family for a while (with consent of your parents of course…or at least your dad). Tell your mom and dad that you are not OK with your current living environment and want to go live with your friend for a while. I am just giving you a suggestion of what you can do…I’m not telling you that you should run away by any means.

You either need to stay at home and try to deal with your mom the best you can, or try to work out a new living situation. If you are unable to leave or live somewhere else, find some after school activities like dance or a new sport that can keep you occupied and away from home more so you don’t have to be around your mom as much.

I hope that I was able to shed some light on your situation. I’m sorry that you have to deal with your mom’s problems. The best thing you can do for yourself is to not take any of what your mom says or does PERSONALLY. If you can keep yourself from taking any of this personally, you can protect yourself from her harmful words and actions. Also learn from her mistakes…now that you see the effects of alcoholism, think twice before drinking alcohol. When drinking gets out of control it is very dangerous and damaging.

Hi Katie,

I know that this can never be completely right but I just wanted to know what you would do in my place. I’m 15 and the oldest of 5 kids. My mom’s an alcoholic and my dad is starting to turn abusive because he really doesn’t know what to do anymore. My mom has always been abusive toward us. I’ve never told anyone about it and actually won’t go anywhere near drink.

Any ideas how to help my mom and the rest of my family or how to re-learn to trust people. Also if you have any ideas on how to get over the fear of alcohol because it’s hard at parties and stuff where my friends are all drunk because it makes me so uneasy.

Thanks!

Natalie, 15

Dear Natalie,

Your mom is wrong for treating you that way. She is going through her own emotional turmoil and alcohol addiction and is taking her anger out on the people she is closest too…such as you. You will never be able to change your mom. She has to want to change. You can try to offer and get her help, like a counselor or rehab, but the chances of you convincing her to stop drinking are slim to none. Like I said…she has to WANT it.

Alcoholism is a very damaging addiction and can ruin people’s lives including the people they love. If your mom does anything that physically harms you (which it sounds like she does), you need to tell authorities such as the police or a counselor. It is not OK for her to treat you poorly no matter what the reason is. Don’t listen to the mean things she says when she is drunk…she doesn’t truly mean it. She is under a very strong addiction that has control of her mind and actions.

However, I realize that telling the attorities is extreamyly hard and scary. But if the abuse gets bad enough you really have no other option. Think about it this way, you would be doing all your younger siblings a favor too by turning your mother in to the police. You will be 18 in a few years, but they have many more years ahead of them dealing with your parents abuse.

If life at home gets bad enough maybe you can go stay with a friend and her family for a while (with consent of your parents of course…which may be quite hard). Tell your mom and dad that you are not OK with your current living environment and want to go live with your friend for a while. I am just giving you a suggestion of what you can do…I’m not telling you that you should run away by any means.

You either need to stay at home and try to deal with your mom the best you can, or try to work out a new living situation.

There is a program for teenagers that are affected by parents who are alcoholic. I actually have attended it in the past when I was a teen and it helped TREMEDOUSLY! It is called Al-Anon and Al-Ateen. If you are unable to leave or turn your mom in to the police, this will really help you deal with your situation. There are teenagers just like you dealing with the exact same problem and just being able to talk about it with them will be a relief for you.

I hope that I was able to shed some light on your situation. I’m sorry that you have to deal with your parent’s problems. The best thing you can do for yourself is to not take any of what your mom or dad say or do PERSONALLY. If you can keep yourself from taking any of this personally, you can protect yourself from her harmful words and actions. Also learn from her mistakes…now that you see the effects of alcoholism, think twice before drinking alcohol.

It’s totally understandable that you are developing a fear of alcohol. One of the reasons I don’t drink is because I have seen it ruin peoples lives…so you are making a VERY smart decision by chosing not to drink. But if your friends or other people at parties drink casually, you dont have to join in, but you dont need to be afraid of them either. Alcohol doesn’t effect everyone the same way. Some people are very plesant when they drink, but others get very angry and abusive.

So if you can’t get over the uneasy feeling when your around your friends drinking, then arrange times to hang out with them when you know there wont be alcohol involved. You may need to work out your issues with your mom first, with a counselor or program like I mentioned above such as Al-Ateen, before you will be able to be comfortable around people when they are drinking.

Hey Katie,

What should I have in my High School Girls Emergency kit?

Jenna, 14

Dear Jenna,

Great question! There are some things that every girl needs to have on hand when in high school in case of emergencies! Here is a list of what you should have in your High School Girl’s Emergency Kit:

Tampons and Pads! You never know sometimes when you might start your period or if one of your friends will need one. Have some extras on hand in your backpack and locker so that you never have any embarrassing accidents!

Extra Makeup! Bring some extra makeup like some lip gloss and a compact so that you can touch up your makeup throughout the day. When at school for 7-8 hours a day you will probably want to freshen up your makeup at some point throughout the day.

Hand Sanitizer! Great to have some hand sanitizer on hand to keep germs away. There are so many other kids sharing desks and opening the doors that you will want to occasionally sanitize your hands to keep yourself at less risk for getting a cold or the flu!

Gum or Breath Mints! You never know when your crush may approach you and wanna chat…so have some gum and breath mints on hand so that you never risk having embarrassing bad breath!

Hand Lotion! It’s always good to have some hand lotion for when you need to re-moisturize! Your hands can get pretty dried out after touching lots of papers and using the bathroom soaps throughout the day…so have a little bottle of your favorite scented lotion to keep your hands soft. Plus if its scented than it will keep you smelling fresh!

Hair Brush and Hair Tie! It’s always good to have your own hair brush and tie for when you need to touch up. Try not to depend on your friends for theirs or let them borrow yours if you can. Plus for gym class or towards the end of the day you might want to put your hair up and it’s nice to have a hair tie with you.

Extra Sweater! It’s always good to have an extra sweater in your locker for if you get cold and didn’t wear warm enough clothes. Also, if your school is strict about the dress code…you might wanna have the sweater to put on if you are wearing a shirt that they deem inappropriate. Cause some schools will make you change into an ugly oversized t-shirt to embarrass you from ever wearing anything inappropriate again.

Tissue! You never know when you will be needing a tissue. There is nothing worse than being stuck in class when your allergies kick in or if your nose starts to run! Have some extra tissue in your book bag so that you can grab it fast if you need it.

Deodorant! Bring a little travel size deodorant in your book bag or gym locker. You may want to reapply it once in a while especially after you exert yourself in gym class or if it is a really hot day.

Hey Katie,

I have a kinda big problem. My three best friends are mad at me because someone told them that I called them the n word. They know I would never say that I have tried talking to them on the phone but she keeps hanging up on me. Now I’m starting to think that if they were really my friends they would listen to me and believe me. Another problem is that they are the kind of friends that would try to turn everyone against me. I know that sounds bad and maybe they aren’t good friends for me. Please help!

Sierra, 13

Dear Sierra,

You have already told your friends that you did not say those things about them. And that is really all you can do. There is no way to prove to them that you didn’t say any of those things. At this point it is up to them to believe you. In a way you are right, that if they are good friends and trust you they will believe you. But sometimes it is hard to tell who is telling the truth.

What if they are thinking the same thing about you and questioning if you were a good friend why would you say that about them (even though you really didn’t). So it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are not good friends, they are just confused about who to believe and may not have known you long enough to know you wouldn’t ever say that.

So try not to get too defensive when they accuse you of saying that, just stay calm and tell them that you would never say those things and hope that they can see that you are telling the truth. If you start getting defensive and mad you will only look more guilty. At this point it is up to them to realize you are telling the truth.

Dear Katie,

My best friend and I have always been close, but lately she’s changed a lot.

Jessica, 13

Dear Jessica,

The funny thing about change, is no one really likes it. It is hard to accept change when it happens, even when it is for the good! We tend to resist any type of change in our lives and the lives around us, especially the people that we are closest to. So the fact that you best friend is changing, it is natural for you to feel some type of resistance. It is more comfortable for you if your friend stays exactly the same forever!

But the truth is, nothing and nobody stays the same. We all change and you have to allow your friend the room to change and accept her choices. She is trying to find herself just like you are trying to find yourself. You will also change and wont be the way you are now forever.

So wouldn’t you want your friends to accept you and embrace your changes when they happen? Be a best friend to her and help show her that you will always be her friend and accept her changes and that you love her no matter what!

Hi Katie,

I have a friend is going out with a guy I used to like and I feel jealous because he does everything with her and did nothing with me! I feel left out and unwanted ;{

Tina, 14

Dear Tina,

In your situation it is totally understandable the way you are feeling. This guy likes your friend instead of you and now you are feeling unwanted. Most girls in your situation would feel jealous too. But as you know, jealousy is not a very attractive trait and will only make you look worse in the end.

Usually at the core of all jealousy is some type of fear. So ask yourself what you are afraid of. Is it that you feel that no guy will want you? Or do you feel that you are not good enough? Whatever it is you are fearing, it is not really real…it is just inside your own mind. You are believing negative thoughts about yourself because this guy chose your friend and not you…but it really had nothing to do with you, he just connected better with the other girl, and that is OK. It doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you…he is just not the right guy for you.

Work on changing any negative beliefs you may have about yourself and try to boost your confidence and self esteem. This will help you get over your jealousy of your friend and this guy you used to like. And if you feel jealousy coming on when you are around them, try to bite your tongue and realize that it will only make you look bad if you react and say anything out of jealousy.

Hi Katie,

Is it normal to have rude girls make fun of lets say not really smart girls? Because on my bus, me and my best friend get picked on by these 6th and 7th graders just because my friend is crazy in the head.

And sometimes they shout out the most random stuff that isn’t true about my friend like: “Anna is a fag”. I have tried to tell them to stop but they don’t care. And I have talked to counselors and teachers about it but still.

Can you help!? Thanks!

~ Tina, 14

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Dear Tina,

It is VERY normal for girls like that to be rude and obnoxious. Especially on the bus! Sometimes people feel better about themselves when they put other people down and think they are being cool and intimidating.

But really they are not being cool and the only reason they are picking on you and your friend is because they think they are better than you and are older than you. Do you really think they would be saying those things if they were riding a bus with high schoolers? Of course not, they would probably get beat up!

It’s good that you have already told the counselors and teachers…that way they are aware of the problem. But there is not much they can really do, it’s not like they can ride on the bus with you and your friend every day to protect you. They probably just told you to ignore their comments, and I know its hard to ignore someone when they are being rude.

What I have found to be the best way to get someone to stop doing something is to act like it doesn’t bother you. So when they say “Anna is a fag” say, “It takes one to know one!” These girls probably don’t expect you to have a come back and think that you and your friend are just easy targets that wont fight back. So show them that you can stand up for yourself (and I don’t mean physically). Just by making them look stupid or silly for saying those things to you and your friend they may start to loose their confidence and stop picking on you.

If that doesn’t work, sometimes if you sincerely tell them (without anger) “hey, you are really hurting my feelings and making me feel bad” this can make them stop. You are not asking them to stop, you are just showing them how hurtful they are being. This is the last thing they are expecting you to say and since it is a very mature approach they will be caught off guard and might actually listen. I have seen this approach work in a couple similar bully situations, but to be honest it doesn’t always work. But since you guys have tried everything else, it might be worth a shot.

Also, I was thinking that since they are in a different grade than you and the only time you have to see them is on the bus, another option for you is that you may want to explore different ways to get to and from school. Maybe you or your friend’s parents can drive you, or if you have an older sister or brother that can drive. I realize you may not have any other way to get to school, but I thought it wouldn’t hurt to suggest it.

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“I have a friend who I have known for many years. But there’s this other girl, who I do like, but the first friend seems to like the second better than me. I was off school sick for a couple of months and she did come and see me with other friends yet didn’t call once.

I though we had got closer during work experience a couple of weeks ago, but now she is off sick and this other girl is arranging to go and see her, but she doesn’t seem to want me to (and I live nearer) and all the time she seems to want to be closer to this second girl…it seems like a two way friendship, mine seems like I do all the chasing…we never go to each others houses anymore.

She hasn’t asked me to hers for well over a year and I do ask her to mine, but she never seems to want to come. I don’t know if there is anything I can do to make her reciprocate or whether it is a lost cause and I just have to settle for second best. Is there anything that you think I can do?”

Emily, 15

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Dear Emily,

I can see your concern over your friendship. I have had similar situations where I felt that I was putting a lot more effort into a friendship then my friend. When this happens, there is nothing you can do to make her reciprocate your same efforts. She most likely doesn’t mean anything by it and isn’t doing it on purpose. She just interacts differently with her friends and may not see the need to put forth so much effort since you usually do.

Some people in general just put less effort into their relationships (friends and romantic) than other people. In the case with my friend, we ended up drifting apart because she would always flake out and I just got tired of trying so hard. But that doesn’t mean you have to give up on her. I usually do put a lot of effort into my friendships to keep them working, often when I stop putting forth effort and calling them, then the friendship drifts apart. But I don’t take it personally, because it doesn’t mean that they are not good friends, they are just bad about picking up the phone and making an effort.

Just try to really take a look about your assumptions that you say she doesn’t want you to visit and that she didn’t want to visit you. You don’t know for sure if this is true or not…you are just assuming this. She may very well want you to come visit her, she just doesn’t come forth and say it.

So before you end your friendship over an assumption, go visit her and try not to assume that she doesn’t want to be friends. She has been your friend for a while now, so there is obviously something she likes about being friends with you and vise versa.

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I’m a skinny person and everyone says I’m anorexic when I’m not! I eat and I’m really healthy and I could live on salad! Anyway, I explained to them I was born two months early and I’m very small so I’m gonna be skinny but they don’t understand, What shall I do??

Laura, 13

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Dear Laura,

I had the exact same problem when I was younger! Everyone always thought I was too skinny, but I ate what ever I wanted, I just had a fast metabolism. I was also born early and have always been small. It sounds like you are really frustrated by what people are thinking.

And since you can’t change the way they think about you (maybe they are jealous and wish they were skinny too so they put you down…who knows) the only thing you can really change is your attitude. When they say “wow you are skinny” smile and say cheerfully “thanks!” like you are taking a compliment. Stay positive about it even when they are not and soon they will see that you are happy the way you are.

When you get defensive and upset by their comments, it only confirms their negative thoughts and they will think that they are right about you being anorexic. So don’t let them ruffle your features, be glad that you got a great metabolism because there are a lot of girls who have the opposite problem…they wish they WERE skinny like you.

Also, I’m glad I was able to shed some light on your period situation!

Katie

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“So I really really like this guy and I just met him like a month ago. He seems like Mr. Perfect and we talk to each other a lot but he goes to another school and me and his mom don’t really like each other. But I really want to ask him out what do I do?”

~ Liza, 16

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Dear Liza,

If you really like this guy, like you say you do, you should make an honest effort to get along with his mom. Luckily you’ll be dating HIM…and not his MOM! Meaning, you don’t have to LIKE his mom, in fact you may date many guys in the future that you don’t really like their mom or other family members…but you shouldn’t let that reason stop you from going out with them. And that also doesn’t give you any right to be rude or mean to their moms or family either.

So the fact that you don’t like her is not a big issue…If you like this guy you need to respect his mother, no matter how she treats you. You might not like her, but you need to make an effort to get along with her and show respect…even if she doesn’t reciprocate your effort. Because if you DON’T get along with his mom and this guy sees that you don’t like his mother or treat her kindly he is going to have a hard time liking you back. Think about if a guy started talking smack about your mom or saying he doesn’t like her….no matter how YOU feel about your mom, you are going to get protective and see this guy as being a real jerk.

So go ahead and ask him out! But don’t give his mom any reasons not to like you…do your best to show his mom the best side of yourself and hopefully as time goes on she will find more and more reasons to like you.

Katie

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“Hey, My boyfriend is 18 and my mum and sister found out after I fell asleep and left my msn on and he was talking to me- btw he wasn’t saying anything inappropriate, but it was obvious he’s my boyfriend as we have eachothe in our names and all that lol. At the time he thought I was 16 but my mum and sister spoke to him and told him I was 14 and to leave me alone and that. My mum went crazy at me, which btw I kinda expected and my sister sat down and had a chat with me (she thinks she knows everything about men) and told me all he wanted was sex etc. They told me to break up with him and everything so I lied and told them I would that night. Everything was ok for a few weeks and I secretly carried on talking to him on the phone and that.

Yesterday my mum went crazy at me again saying he knew I was still with him and that she was going to report us to the police- which I don’t understand as we do not have sex, because we’ve decided to wait til I’m legal, if I didn’t finish it with him that day, again I said I would, but I am in love with him, deeply and truly, I am very mature for my age and I don’t know what to do anymore. I can not break up with him, I really am in love with him and please don’t make judgements and tell me to break up with him or anything because I really can’t do that. I thought I could tell my sister anything but I really don’t know how to begin to tell her that I really do love him and I don’t care what they say, I’m not breaking up with him. please help girls”

xoxo Victoria, 14

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Dear Victoria,

This is definitely a tricky situation. If you continue to see this guy you are going against your mother’s wishes, but you really like this guy and don’t want to end it. So here is my advice. When I was 14, there was these two 18 year old guys that my friend and I met. We really liked them and thought it was sooo cool how they had cars and we could go places with them. It made me feel mature when I was with them. But looking back now….I see that they did not have a good intent for me or my friend. They were not interested in having a loving relationship, they just wanted to have sex!

So, your mother does make a good point when she questions his intent for you. She could be right that he is just interested in sex, not a relationship. PLUS you say you lied to this boy about your age…so even you knew that you were too young for him. You should ask yourself if you had told him you were 14 from the start, would he have wanted to date you?!

I think at this point, you should move on, this situation with this guy is already bringing out a dishonest side of you….not only have you lied to your mom about him, but you’ve lied to the guy about your age. So my suggestion would be to drop this guy (it will be really hard I know) but it will save you a lot of heart ache in the future.

xoxo

Katie

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“Hi! Should I be worried because I didnt get my period yet? And I’m almost going to be 13 soon and I need some advice!”

~ Heather, 12

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Dear Heather,

Do not worry sweetie! That is perfectly normal! I did not get my period until I was 14! Some girls start earler than others, but it does not mean anything if you start later than other girls. I was really active and skinny which I have learned can make you start your period at a later age than girls who are heavier. Girls who have a lot of body fat will often start their period at a much younger age…such as 11 and 12. So don’t worry one bit! You are perfectly healthy and will start your period within the next few years! And trust me, when you do you will wish it had gone longer without it, lol!

xoxo

Katie

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“Hey I am 15 and I am getting into a serious relationship. All my friends including my boyfriend want to go out to the movies or bowling or something but my parents are so protective! I never get to go do anything like that and when I ask my mom just tells me I am to young to date or I can only go if she goes! I don’t want her to go because that would be embarrassing!

What should I do? I read in another question kind of like this that you said to earn their trust! I believe I have their trust because I never lie to them about where I am going or what I am doing (when I get to go)…

I think most of the reason that I can’t go is because of my boyfriend but I have told them nothing is going to happen between me and him there will not be any sex or anything like that! But they just don’t understand and think that things are the same as when they were my age! Can you help?”

~Haelee, 15

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Dear Haelee,

I can see that your parents really care about you and are trying to protect you from what they went through at your age…but as a 15 year old, that can be a real drag! So here is what you can try doing… Your mom said you can’t go out with him unless she goes, maybe she is just scared of the two of you being alone together.

So arrange a group outing like maybe have several of your friends all go to the movies together that way it is a group of friends and he can go along too. This way it is not like a “date” and is more just a hang out and get to know each other thing. Your mom might be more comfortable knowing that you will be with other people and not just one on one with him.

xoxo

Katie

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“Dear Katie,

How do I use a period pad and how do I tell my mum I started my period ?

please help me!” ~Laura, 14

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Dear Laura,

It is no secret that all girls get their period. I know that it can be a bit embarassing to bring up to your mother, but she is probably anticipating you to get your period since you are 14 now. Thats the same age I was when I got mine. Getting your period is exciting because it means you are becoming a woman…plus you get tol start wearing a bra too if you haven’t already!

Anyway, when using a pad, just peel off the side parts and line it up to your panty and stick on to hold tight. The box the pads come in usually have great visual instructions. Make sure to change periodically through out the day, depending on how heavy your flow is.

But you definetly should tell your mom right away…and just act excited when you tell her. I’m sure she will be glad and all women have it too so it’s not like you are weird or anything for having it!

“Hey! I’m almost sixteen my body changes have been up and down I’ve been getting pretty sick a lot lately and its affected my physical development a lot.

How do I cope with my insecurities when every girl my age is curvy yet help myself appear better.”

~ Steph, 15

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Dear Steph,

Yes, 16 can be a confusing age! Your body is going through so many changes it is hard not to get insecure about it. The best thing you can do is to embrace your curves and changes in your body, and not try to hide them. If you try to hide them by squishing down your boobs or wearing clothes that are too small or constrictive, it will only make your curves and boobs more obvious.

And you said you have been sick off and on, so I’m not sure what sickness you are referring to, but most of the time it wont interrupt your physical growth and development too much. If you continue to be concerned talk to your doctor about it and if there is anything he can do to help you develop properly.

So maybe it’s time for some new clothes that fit you better not that your body has changed. Since your sixteenth birthday is coming up, see if you mom will take you shopping for some cute bras and clothes that embrace your new beautiful body!?!

I hope this helps! Good luck sweetie!

xoxo

Katie

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Hi Katie,

“I need to lose some weight before summer. I’m really active and play sports a lot but

It’s hard for me to get the weight off. I love junk food. Any tips?”

~Mary

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Dear Mary,

You can exercise as much as you want, but if you are still eating junk food you are going to have trouble loosing weight…you will most likely just maintain you current weight. The best thing to do would be to try and find healthier options rather than what you are currently eating.

Now this doesn’t mean that you have to live off of celery sticks and water. You can still have foods that taste good but that are better for you. Good tasting healthy foods that I love are fruit, frozen yogurt, spinach, string cheese, steamed veggies, herbal tea.

And let yourself have some naughty foods once in a while, that is just fine! As long as you don’t overindulge. The quantity you eat is the most important factor to monitor. Cause no matter what food you eat, if you eat a TON of it you will gain weight. So try not to obsess about calories and what the scale says. Try to just focus on nourishing your body and putting good foods in that will make you feel good about eating it.

Also let your mom know that you would like to get healthier and to stop buying junk food for the house so that you are not tempted.

Good luck sweetie!

xoxo

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Hi Katie,

I met Chris with the help of my friend, Angela, and after a while of getting over some other guy, I started to like him. I went to his house with his friends, and 2 of mine, and we had a lot of fun-we swam around in his pool, I beat his team of him and his friends up at racquetball, and he laughed at almost everything I said. His friends were nice to me, and it was probably the most favorite time of mine that I’ve hung out with him. I don’t remember much of it, sadly, but I remember playing rock band and just having an overall great time.

Another time, I partied with him at some other girls house, and I put ice down his back a bit, during an ice fight (which honestly, I bet he really hated, and it kinda showed), and swam around whenever he got in the pool-I had a pretty great time. We sat around on the outdoor couches by the pool, and we talked a bit, and then he decided to lay down on the burning hot (from the sun beating down on it), wrought iron coffee table, and covers himself with a towel. Naturally, I’m not content with talking to him through a blanket, so I ran over, grabbed a glass of lemonade, and laughing like a maniac, I went over and dumped it in the direction of his face. It was hilarious!

Last week, I went on a bike ride with my friend, Lana-the other best friend I go to school with-. We had a lot of fun, and acted like dorks. We stop by everybody that lived nearby (everybody we had the party with), and totally ruin our reputation, but we have some fun. Now, Chris lives right across from Lana, so we decide to stop by, but we have an argument on who should knock, talk, et cetera, but we end up being too giggly to make up our minds, and we head over to his house too fast. We knock, and his little sister races to the door to pick up. We giggle awkwardly, and I manage to choke out for her to get her brother, and she races off, and also much too fast, Chris comes to the door. We stutter and stammer and whatever else you aren’t supposed to do, and neither of us can say anything, and so we both start laughing super loudly and obnoxiously to kill the silence. We end up staring at each other, and I start fake-yelling at my friend to tell her we should have ditched faster. The whole experience is mortifyingly embarrassing. Throughout this, he is as depressed as ever, which makes up half of the awkwardness. Now, I’m sure he thinks for sure I am totally in love with him, and I’m not sure myself! We end up just awkwardly saying bye and running away as fast as we could, and I stick a popsicle down my friends shirt, I feel so horrified. Lana tells me that he never acts like this whenever they talk. Yikes.

You’re now up to date. Answer these questions, please; Do I like him? Maybe I do. What should I do? What would be smart? Why is he depressed, and why do I feel so bad? I don’t care if it’s not my fault; I feel bad for everyone, and I don’t care if he’s making me feel like I’m the cause of all this-it’s clearly not his intention to make me blame myself, but he doesn’t cover it up very well-if he was trying to in the first place. Tell me anything else you can, please, thanks, bye, I guess.

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Dear Gigi,

If you really liked this guy, you would not be asking if you do or not. It sounds like you just feel bad for him and don’t want to hurt his feelings. Maybe you like that he likes you and you don’t wanna reject him cause you would feel even worse.

And from his point of view he probably thinks you do not really like him because you and your friends are always playing and messing with him. I don’t think that he is depressed and if he is sad it is not you…maybe it is just that you are sending him mixed signals and he is just confused, he can’t tell if you like him or just like messing with him.

You wanna know what to do….I think you should just stay friends with him and maybe after you get more comfortable hanging out around him you might get less silly and be able to tell if you were getting butterflies around him because you liked him or cause you were just nervous about making him feel ok.

xoxo

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Hi Katie,

I haven’t started my periods yet, but when i put my finger up my vagina the other day, and when i took it out, there was some blood on it, i put a thin pad on as i thought it was my period starting. there was a bit of dark brown stuff on the pad when i went to the loo, and then for the next day i had like lightish brown discharge. I thought it may have been my period but i haven’t had anything since.

Please help, as i’m a bit concerned about it.

Thank you

George
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Dear George,

It sounds like you may have almost started your period. Sometimes in the begining that is what happens before you get your full blown period. If it went away, just monitor it, it is probably your body just getting ready for puberty. But if you keep getting unusual discharge you should tell your mom and have her take you to see a gynochologist.

xoxo

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