Dear Katie,

I really really like this guy and we were practically brother and sister until two months ago when I asked him out & he said, “It was bound to happen lets try…us” and he dumped me in a note during school half a week before his birthday (May 1st). It was terrible but I figured I might ask him out next grade, when he was a bit more mature & could handle drama. Until my best friend declares me of being jealous of my crush talking to her all the time & sitting with her in every class.

Then my best friend and my crush played a cruel joke on me and took it way to far! They pretended to date and she fooled me once in school and then pulled it again after school. It was so rude! And my crush was in on the joke! I don’t know if it’s just his way of hiding his feelings or if he really just thinks of me as a friend! Help me I think I might be in love with this guy!

Meg, 12 (almost 13)

Dear Meg,

First of all, he should not have dumped you on a note, and secondly that joke he and your friend played was pretty immature. It’s hard to tell WHY this guy is playing games, but he seems to have a pattern of doing so. He IS young so he’s probably just immature and doesn’t know how to treat a girl. Don’t take it personally that he is acting this way, it has nothing to do with you not being good enough for him or anything. In reality, he might not be good enough for you (right now). Since girls DO mature faster than guys, you are just ready to take your friendship to a new level that he is not emotionally ready to handle.

You can probably expect him to handle situations just as poorly if you were to start dating him. Ask yourself if that is what you really want right now. Is he going to add to your life or just bring you down and make you feel sad and confused. I know it seems like love to you right now, but it is most likely not the true meaningful kind of love that is possible. It’s easy to confuse love with the feelings you get when a guys are unattainable. I liked this guy before and we dated for a short time and he ended up breaking up with me. I still liked him for SO long and thought it must be love since I still liked him so much. But looking back I realize now that it had nothing to do with REAL love, it was really just an infactuation. I had never been dumped and the fact that he broke up with me, made me want him even more. Sounds kinda lame but it happens to girls ALL the time. I think your feelings have built up over time and it is more of an infactuation. You just are feeling that you like this guy because he isn’t reciprocating what you want him to.

But either way, if it is love or not love it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that this guy is immature and not worthy of you or your time right now. Try to laugh off their little prank and don’t get too upset over it. Be glad that you are not that type of person that would do something like that to your friend. And yes, I do think that it was a really immature and mean joke, but don’t let it get you down. They were trying to make you jealous so don’t give them that satisfaction by showing them that their prank worked. Don’t let them see that it bothered you. They will see that you don’t care that they are “going out” and will soon quit pretending because they didn’t get the reaction from you they wanted.

Hi Katie,

I’m Emily and I’m 13 years old. I’ve never had a boyfriend and never been kissed. It seems like alot of other kids in my grade already have had one of those or both. I’m not ugly, I’m not gorgous. I’m extremely friendly, funny, and outgoing. Yet, guys don’t seem to like me. How should I talk to guys? I don’t want to go up to them and be like “Hey! Want to go out?” they’ll think I’m weird and just ignore me.

I’m new to this school and I’m going to a new school thats being built right now with this guy I think is really cute. I’d love to develop a friendship with him and maybe, once we get to know eachother, something more. Please help!

Emily, 13

Dear Emily,

You are perfectly normal! It is ok that you havn’t kissed a boy or had a boyfriend yet! I have gotten SO many questions like yours from girls your age who also haven’t kissed a boy yet. You are definitly not alone, in fact I myself had not kissed a boy yet when I was 13 either. It will happen to you in time, and probably sooner than you think. Don’t rush it. And let the guy make the first moves too!
As far as flirting with this guy at the new school that you like, here are some tips…

When talking to him or when he is looking at you, always smile and look happy. You can also play subtly with your hair…twist it around your finger or run your hands through it. This will draw attention to your hair which is a very feminine quality and guys love that! Another thing you can do is to play with your necklace or touch your lips drawing attention to these other feminine areas.

Eye contact is also a great form of flirting. When he is talking to you make sure to use good eye contact and smile and nod as you are listening. This way he knows you are fully engaged and into what he is saying. Ask him questions about himself! Guys love to talk about themselves. If you ask questions about him it shows him that you are interested.

Now when it comes to being more openly flirty, wait until you two are having a private conversation, or walking alone together somewhere. This is a better time for these types of flirtations:

Get physical! Like give his his shoulder a little squeeze, grab his arm when he makes you laugh, stuff like that gets you into his personal space and is much more of an open way of flirting.

Complement him! Tell him the things you admire about him or like about him. Such as, “I really admire what a kind person you are” or “You have a laugh”. Find something you genuinely like about him and tell him (I’m sure there a hundred things you like if you have a crush on him, lol).

However, when developing a friendship with this new guy be careful that you do not get SO chummy as friends that it would be weird to date. Make sure you keep flirting with him so that he is aware that you are attracted to him and that you are interested in being more than just friends.

Hi Katie,

There is this guy I really like. He’s not kinda the type that you would think I would like. I’m afraid to ask him out, because my best friend went out with him, and still isn’t over there break-up.

And I can’t wait because school’s almost out and he might not come back after the summers over. What should I do?

Thanks,

Kristen, 12

Dear Krista,

It wouldn’t be right for you to date him right now since your friend isn’t over him. You can always ask her if she would be OK with it if you REALLY want to date him. But chances are she is going to tell you she would rather you not. Respect your best friend by not going after this guy.

It would be better for your friendship if you didn’t date her exboyfriend. If he doesn’t come back after summer is over, look at it as a good thing and that it is for the best.

Dear Katie,

I kinda have a problem and I really need help. I really like this guy for like three years. I have recently told my friends that like him this year. And I think he likes me too because he always winks and smiles at me when ever we see each other. The only problem is my friends says he is a jerk.

But they only see him when he is with the so called “popular” group with all the jocks. I think he just acts like that when he is around his friends. Because when I talk to him he is so sweet and caring because were like best friends and always hang out. I’m just lost please help!

Elaine, 12

Dear Elaine,

It’s good to listen to your friends sometimes when they are trying to help you avoid something bad. But in this case it sounds like you know this guy a lot better than your friends. Go with your gut instinct.

Deep down do you believe this guy is a good and honest guy like when he is with you? If so, then tell your friends, “Thank you for letting me know what you think about him but I really like him and I have seen a different side. I will take my chances.” And don’t be mad at them or rude to them for trying to warn you.

Be courtious and appriciative to them that they shared their opinion, but at the same time do what you feel is best for YOU. Afterall your friends are not the ones who would be dating him, YOU would be.

Hey Katie,

I really like a boy that I’ve known for seven years but he told my friend that he doesn’t like me even though everyone says he does. We’re always flirting and when my friend told him I liked him I pretended I didn’t know and he suddenly became wickedly nice to me.

I always catch him lookin at me but mostly when I’m laughing or smiling. We’ve held each others gaze tons of times. We go outside everyday and we text every night but I think he likes me although he says he doesn’t? How am I supposed to no please help me!

Rach, 15

Dear Rach,

Here are some signs that a boy likes you. Ask yourself these questions to find out if the guy you like does.

Does he look at you a lot? If you always catch him staring at you he might like you.

Does he overly flirt with you? Some boys will flirt with you a little for the fun of it, but the ones who flirt a lot are definitley interested.

Does he get nervous when he talks to you? Some guys get nervous when they are around girls they like. If he likes you he might start talking really fast or act weird or different when you come near him.

Does he try to make physical contact with you often? If he keeps trying to get close to you or tries to hold your hand, he likes you.

Does he ask you personal questions like if you ever had a boyfriend or if you are allowed to date boys?

Does he get upset if he sees you flirting with other boys?

Does he smile and laugh nervously at your jokes?

Does he always make up reasons to call you or hang out with you?

If you answered YES to more than two of these questions, then he definetly likes you!

Hi Katie,

I am friends with this guy. I kinda met him through my other friends, but he is so nice and cute and just plain old AWESOME!

The first time we actually met was when we were at my guy friend’s house helping to film a movie for a school project. I think I might have flirted a little but I’m not sure. I found a toy sword and would poke him with it and we would continuously have “sword fights” on a trampoline. It was so fun and he let me win. After that we talked more and more.

One night I was having a sleep over with my friend and I asked her if she had any idea who I liked and she said either him or another person I used to like. So my question is how do I know if he knows I like him or not?

(P.S. today we had drama club together and we had to build fences together hehe. I was so happy because he asked if I wanted to help.)

Brianna, 13

Dear Brianna,

He probably doesn’t know for CERTAIN if you like him or not. He might have some clues, like that you are nice to him and fun to hang out with. But he is still probably wondering the same thing you are. The cool thing is, is that you both have lots of mutual friends and interests to keep you connected. Use this to your advantage and stay involved in your school projects with him and keep inviting him to hang out with you and your friends.

If you wanna make it a little more obvious you like him, you should start complimenting him occasionally. Make it a genuine compliment. Like how you told me you thought he was really nice and awesome. Tell that to him! I’m sure he would be more than flattered to hear them, plus he will see more clearly that you like him.

Dear Katie,

I met this gut at the beginning of the school year and we became super close. Then he started liking me and I didn’t really like him back but we had a thing for about a week. Then we both dated different people but were still best friends. Then we both broke up with who we were dating and we realized that we liked eachother more than we thought. He told me I gave him mixed signals and he couldnt tell if I really liked him or not so a few days ago he started dating his ex who is a complete slut!

And I cried right in front of him when he told me. I was sooo sad! I really like this guy so what do I do? I’m super comfortable around him! Were like best friend so I tell him everything and at the amusement park the other day we rode a bunch of rides together ane I fell even more in love with him! What am I supposed to do since he has a stupid girlfriend?!

Kayla, 13

Dear Kayla,

In the begining, you weren’t sure if you liked him, and he picked up on the fact that you were not that interested so lost his interest too. He knew that you were not really that into him, so he went for a girl that liked him back. Now that he has a girlfriend you are realizing that you DO like him. It’s either a clasic case of bad timing…or now that he is with another girl he seems more attractive to you. Ask yourself which one it is.

If it is just a case of bad timing, you need to wait until he is single again and THEN you may proceed in flirting with him. But until then, you shouldn’t be telling him your feelings or flirting with him. This will only put him in an awkward situation and he will think you only want him now that he is taken.

Once he is single again, this time be more clear about your feelings with him and don’t be afraid to tell him you like him and wanna go out with him. That way there is no mixed signals again. Sometimes guys need us girls to be straight forward and tell them EXACTLY what we want! Otherwise they really have no clue…they cant read minds! lol!

Hi Katie!

I have been going out with my boyfriend for a while now and can never do any more than kiss because I don’t want to undress – because I have plain white bras and granny pantys which my mom buys for me.

I really wanna go further so need some help with lingerie ideas so I feel sexy cute confident. Any help?

Alice, 16

Dear Alice,

Not sure where you live, but you should go to a Victoria’s Secret store if you have one or a similar store. Get something sexy and simple that you can still wear under your clothes. Everyone has a different style when it comes to lingere. Honestly I think your boyfriend would be happy to see your bra and panties no matter what they look like! Guys really don’t care too much, but I think you will feel sexier if you have some lingere that looks hot!

Definetly get a bra and panty set that are made to match. May lingere stores have the matching sets. For the bra, if you have smaller boobs, get a bra that has a little padding that pushes up your cleavage. If your breasts are on the larger size, a bra that is very thin and lacy is always sexy because it covers yet still reveals the shape and size of your boobs which guys love. As far as colors go, really anything can work. Go to the store to try on the different colors to see what looks best with your skin tone. If you have lighter colorings (pale and blonde) go for more pastel colors like pink and yellow, or light blue. If you have darker coloring (brown hair and tan) you wanna try black, red, or darker brighter colors.

Dear Katie,

This is my first time asking a question and it’s quiet a long one so please excuse me. Basically there’s this boy Danny and he’s nearly 17 and I’m a year and three months younger. I used to like him and we were in love secretly. He actually kissed me once and then my mom and his dad were seeing a lot of each other. We didn’t know at first. They went on at least 11 dates before we knew and by then it was too late they liked each other. They’d kiss in front of us and my mom would babble on about his dad to me. I didn’t want to destroy her dreams.

When dad left three years ago she started drugs and drinking and I didn’t want to break her down again. I thought it’d only be a going out nothing more so me and Danny continued going out. We’d make out and everything. I even trusted him to have sex with. I don’t know why that smile would make me melt. Then our parents announced that Chris, his dad, proposed to my mom. I was so speechless. I avoided Danny until the wedding. Oh he looked so cute as the best man. And they are two months into there marriage. Danny keeps trying to kiss me and get time alone with me. Sneaking into my room at night times.

The thing is, them married changes every view of Danny for me. It’s like I’m kissing my brother. I love him but I just can’t love him if they are married. But I can’t resist giving him a kiss every day. Do you think what I’m doing is right? Also I can’t tell mom about Danny she made me swear that I wouldn’t go out with a bad boy until I was old enough and she would never approve of Danny. She would send me to live across the world with my gran. That way she’d know I wasn’t seeing him. Am I doing the right thing IS THIS RIGHT please help and sorry for the long letter.

Love Nicole, 15

Dear Nicole,

Honestly there is NOTHING wrong with you liking him and being with him. He is not your REAL brother. Your parents just happened to get married to each other while you were already going out. It is perfectly fine if you wanna continue to have sex with him and date him since it sounds like you guys still really like each other.

Think about it this way. If your mom had found out about you two dating BEFORE she started dating his dad, do you think that would have stopped her? Probably not! She wouldn’t have thought twice about dating his dad. Try not to see it as him being your brother. He is still the same guy you feel in love with. He’s just the son of the guy your mom married.

However, your friends at school might think differently though. You may not wanna tell all your friends at school about him so that rumors don’t get spread. You don’t want people going around saying you are having sex with your brother. Kids in high school are VERY immature and won’t understand. They will twist it around and make it sound way worse.

Understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with continuing to be with this guy. Just keep it to yourself, it is your private life and no one needs to know right now. They will only make you feel insecure about being with him, when there is no reason to feel that way.

Hi Katie,

I have a question about foundation. What is a good foundation that will cover my blemishes if I have them but, isn’t so heavy that I break out? Which has more coverage: powder or liquid? I’d like one that I could just go buy at the store.

Thank you! (:

Emily, 13

Dear Emily,

My favorite foundation that you can get at ANY store is the foundations from L’Oreal Paris. Particularly the True Match Super Blendable makeup. The color tones are very natural and match many skin tones flawlessly. That is what I use and I get complements all the time and people asking me what makeup I wear. Apply it with a makup sponge. It creates a thin and smooth layer so that you still get good coverage but it’s not all caked on.

Next you wanna use a powder to set the foundation. This will help the foundation stay in place and keep your face from getting really shiny. A powder that I love and use daily is the CoverGirl FreshLook pressed powder. You can also find that at any drug store. And when choosing a color, if you can’t decide between one that is lighter or darker, always choose the lighter one cause you can always use bronzer to darken it if you need to. But if you choose a powder or foundation that is too dark, it will not look natural.

Hi Katie,

I like a guy, but he doesn’t know that “me” Daniella exists. But he has seen me in the hallway and we have made eye contact but I don’t know how to get his attention. What should I do???

Daniella, 15

Dear Daniella,

Start out by smiling and saying hi when you see him in the hall and make eye contact. Do this a few times, and if he hasn’t come talk to you yet, then start up a conversation with him. Ask him if he could show you where something is, or what time is it. After that you will see if he is interested if he continues to want to talk to you or if he initiates any other conversations later.

But definitely start by smiling at him. You will most likely not even have to approach him cause he will come to you if you seem interested and friendly. Also dress cute when you go to school. Spend a little more time with your hair and makeup, and pick out a nice cordinated outfit so that you look extra nice when you are trying to get his attention.

Dear Katie,

Have you ever had a crush who liked you back, but did not give you full attention?
You see… I have always been second best no matter how beautiful I looked or acted when it came to boys! How do I bump up from number two to one?

Lacey, 13

Dear Lacey,

It starts with your own self confidence. What you think about yourself. Because right now, you are not thinking very highly of yourself. You have to BELIEVE you are number one. If you are always walking around thinking you are number two, guys are going to sense that. There is nothing sexier than a girl who is confident…and if you wanna increase your confidence here are some things you can try.

Remind yourself out loud how beautiful you are every day…Say “I’m Confident!” “I’m Number One!” “I’m a loving and caring person!” This may sound kinda corny at first, but over time you will start to believe it and feel that way about yourself! You will no longer feel like number two if you TRULY believe you are number one.

Stop using negative phrases such as “I can’t…” Telling yourself this will stop you from ever trying. If you keep telling yourself you are NEVER going to be number one, you are just keeping yourself down. Be careful how you talk to yourself. We are our own worst enemies and talk to ourselves worst than anyone we know. So try and stop yourself from repeating put downs or negative comments you have been told about yourself. Stop telling yourself you are always number two.

Learn how to accept compliments! Next time someone says something nice about you, thank them and remember what they said and believe in it! If you stop focusing on the negative things people say and remember all the good things, you will feel much better about yourself!

Stay positive at all times! Try hard not to complain or talk negative to yourself or in conversations. When you start to be more aware of what you talk about, you may be surprised how much negativity that comes out of your mouth.

Now don’t be too hard on yourself, because changing your self perception and boosting your confidence is not going to happen over night. This may take a while, but it is totally possible to change and feel that you are number one!

Hi Katie,

I really like this guy but he barely talks to me! How do I get his attention or at least for him to talk to me?

Mckenna, 12

Dear Mckenna,

First, you should try to hang out in places where he hangs out. This could be at the mall, movies, or at the skate park or baseball field if he plays sports. But whatever you do, don’t stalk him! Just SUBTLY try to make yourself available to talk to him in person.

Then take the initiative to start up a conversation with him. A good way is to ask him some simple questions at first, like if he can help explain something from class or asking him what time it is. Jokes are also a good ice breaker. Say a funny comment to him about something current and witty. Getting him to laugh will put him at ease so that the conversation flows better.

Next, take initiative to ask him out! You would be surprised by how many guys are too afraid to ask out a girl they’re interested in. They are just as shy as you! Take matters into your own hands. Walk up to him smiling and introduce yourself. You can say, “Hi! I’ve seen you around but never got the chance to introduce myself, I’m Mckenna!” Try not to bug him if he is really busy, but at the same time, don’t let the opportunity to talk pass you by just because you are too nervous.

A great way to start conversation is to start small talk. Comment on something he’s wearing or saying something about the place or event you’re both at. Try to get him to feel comfortable around you. And keep a friendly positive attitude and smile a lot! It’s hard for anyone not to wanna keep talking to someone who is friendly and happy.

You should also flirt with him! This can mean touching him lightly on the arm, for example, or laughing at his jokes. Just be playful and communicate that you’re interested. Compliment him! For example you could say something like, “I love your shoes!”
To keep the conversation rolling, ask him some questions about himself, like what he likes to do, what his favorite place to eat is, or if he likes to play sports. Try to see if you have anything in common with him. Now that you have found some stuff you both have in common, ask if he’d like to do it together sometime.

Hey Katie,

I am in serious need of help. In science my friend was texting this guy and then he sent her a picture she asked me my opinion I said he was hot. That night he asked for my msn and she gave it to him and me and him were really getting along, but I think she started to get jealous (I didn’t like him and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me back)

Anyways, I got his number he got mine but then people started telling me she was saying stuff about me and then she stopped talking to me for a while. Soon after we were friends again but then she started telling people I was a slut. Then she got over telling everyone AND NOW SHES STARTING AGAIN BUT IT’S ABOUT A DIFFERENT GUY! What do I do?

Tanya, 15

Dear Tanya,

If guys like you better than your friend (as it seems they do from what you wrote) than there is a very good chance she is just jealous of you. When girls get jealous of another girl, they try to tear her down and make themselves look better by making her look worse. Your friend might be doing this to you. She is trying to make you look bad because she feels that it will make her feel better about herself and maybe guys will like her more than you. Instead of getting angry with her, you should feel bad for her that she has to do those kinds of things to her friend because she wants to feel better about herself. She is insecure and probably sees confidence in you that she wishes she had. Try and ignore her comments…I’m sure others can see through her motives too. She is most likely not doing it to be mean to you and make you feel bad, she is acting out of jealousy and feeling that she is in competition with you.

If you wanna continue your friendship with her, you can try to help her boost her own confidence and point out to her positive things about herself that she can focus. Like for example, “Wow, you are so good at talking with guys, I wish I was that comfortable with flirting”. This way, if she feels that there are some qualities she has that you don’t, she wont feel that she has keep tearing you down to feel better. She will find confidence without being at your expense.

However, you can also choose to not be friends with her anymore. If she continues this pattern of destructive rumors with your dating life, you may wanna reconsider why you are even friends with this girl. You may find that you are better off without her.

Hi Katie,

So I have been going out with my boyfriend for about six months and we have never been on any sort of “date”. My mom said she has to go with me… which I don’t get because it is only to the movies or whatever. I love my mom but she is being annoying and I don’t think she even wants me to see him outside of school help!

Kalianna, 13

Dear Kalianna,

I agree! A date would be no fun with your mom there. So here is what you can do. She doesn’t want you to be with him alone, right? So arrange a group date with some of your friends and your boyfriend to go to the movies or someplace. You will be in a public place and with other people, so what can really happen? That way you are allowed to go without your mom, and you get to see your boyfriend too outside of school.

Your mom is probably afraid of you guys being alone together and you getting pregnant. Reassure her that you will not be alone together and that you will be responsible and make good decisions. If worse comes to worse and she still doesn’t agree, you can always meet up with your friends and conveniently forget to tell your mom that you invited him to join you.

Hi Katie,

What do I do now that I told my bff guy friend that I loved him he said he loved me too and he kissed me and I loved it.
But then he asked out my bff girlfriend!!! I told her how I felt about him and she said, “so like it’s my problem!?” What do I do?

Nina, 14

Dear Nina,

Your friend is not being considerate of your feelings. You may wanna think about why you are friends with her in the first place if she is treating you like that. And as for the guy, be glad your friend ended up with him and not you, because that was not right of him to tell you he loved you and then ask your best friend out.

You may wanna spend time with your other friends for a little while to help you get your focus away from the two of them. That way you wont have to see them together. It could be quite awkward I’m sure.

Hi Katie,

My crush just broke up with his girlfriend, he said that the relationship was too close, like she stayed at his house for days, they were always together driving around and stuff like that.

Now he broke up with her and I thought this was my chance and so I started flirting, and we started meeting. But it seems like he doesn’t see me as a potential new girlfriend. So how long will it takes until he’s ready for a new relationship again?

Farina, 17

Dear Farina,

There is no telling when exactly he will be ready. But he is showing interest in you. So here is what you can do. Don’t repeat the same mistakes as his last girlfriend. She sounded like she might have been a little too clingy for him. Some guys like when a girl always wants to hang out, but some guys don’t. They like their personal space and don’t need a girl hanging around them 24/7.

First of all, don’t become too available for him. Make yourself conveniently unavailable when he asks you out SOME of the times. Now I’m not saying to turn him down EVERY time, just don’t say yes to hanging out every single time he wants to. This was why his last relationship failed. She became too available for him and he got bored with her.

So keep him on his toes and keep him guessing. If he knows you aren’t sitting around waiting for him to call, he will gain more interest and be intrigued with you!

Hi Katie,

So I’m what people call “over-weight” or “fat” and most of the time I just ignore them, but lately it’s been getting harder, and I’m starting to feel like it’s impossible to get this weight off and that I’ll never be at a normal weight.

I was wondering in you had any tips or anything on how to get more self-confidence?

Thank you! <3

Ashlea, 13

Dear Ashlea,

It’s hard not to get discouraged and feel the way you do about never being able to be a normal weight. But I think you are on the right track when you asked about your confidence and losing some of the weight. You already realized that confidence plays a BIG part in being happy with yourself and feeling good about your weight.

And also you have a realistic outlook at losing weight, as you mentioned that you want tips to lose SOME of the weight. Sometimes girls start to think that there is a way to lose it over night, so they buy into the diet scams that sell bogus pills that claim to take pounds off overnight. So to answer your question, here are some tips on how to boost your confidence:

Remind Yourself Out Loud How Beautiful You Are Every Day…Say “I’m Confident!” “I’m Gorgeous” “I’m a loving and caring person!” And believe it! And if you don’t feel beautiful on the outside at first, try focusing on your beauty inside. This may sound kinda corny at first, but over time you will start to believe it and feel that way about yourself!

Stop using negative phrases such as “I can’t…” Telling yourself this will stop you from ever trying. Substitute negative words with positive ones and your will see that you really can do it!

Be careful how you talk to yourself. We are our own worst enemies and talk to ourselves worst than anyone we know. So try and stop yourself from repeating put downs or negative comments you have been told about yourself.

Learn how to accept compliments! Next time someone says something nice about you, thank them and remember what they said and believe in it! If you stop focusing on the negative things people say and remember all the good things, you will feel much better about yourself!

Stay positive at all times! Try hard not to complain or talk negative to yourself or in conversations. When you start to be more aware of what you talk about, you may be surprised how much negativity that comes out of your mouth.

Dear Katie,

Hi Katie!

Okay. I’m in a really sticky situation. I’m falling for a guy I can’t have. I mean he likes me just as much as I like him but he goes to a different high school, he is a Senior when I’m a Sophomore, and he’s a race that my mom feels oddly about. When we hang out together and when he kisses me… It’s incredible! I have butterflies and there are fireworks going off everywhere!

I really love him. And, I think about him all the time! It’s compulsive. But what do I do when I have to sneak out to be with him? (I’m not allowed to date until December) What if he’s not ready for a commitment? I don’t know what to do, please help.

Jade, 15

Dear Jade,

It’s great that you found a guy that you can experience that magical feeling of fireworks and butterflies with! I know how exciting it is! But right now you need to be patient while waiting for December to come. You can’t change your parents rules and it wouldn’t be fare to him if you ask him to commit to when you are not allowed to date him.

Talk to him about your situation and tell him that you will be able to date in December and that you are willing to wait until then when you will be able to spend more time together. Ask him how he feels about you being able to see him more and if he would want that. Seriously December will come faster than you think and then be allowed to date…and if you guys have as strong of feelings as you described, I’m sure they wont fade by December!

However, it is possible that by the time December comes you will have found a different guy that you like better and you will be glad that you didn’t commit to him. So for now it is probably best to just leave your relationship with him open and see each other when you can without having any major commitment or expectations.

Time is always a good test. If your feelings are still strong over time, than you know it is real love. By December if you DO still like each other than you will know that your connection with him is special and he worth pursuing a real relationship with!

Hi Katie,

So I’m what people call “over-weight” or “fat” and most of the time I just ignore them, but lately it’s been getting harder, and I’m starting to feel like it’s impossible to get this weight off and that I’ll never be at a normal weight.

I was wondering in what are some simple ways to get SOME of the weight off?

Thank you!

Ashley, 13

Dear Ashley,

To lose some weight, here are some things you can start doing:

Start Excersising Every Day! Now you don’t have to run 10 miles a day, just pace yourself and do a little at a time. It is really easy to find excuses why you don’t have enough time to do it, so MAKE yourself! Even if it is just walking for half an hour…every little bit counts. So start off slow and work your way up. Who knows, maybe you will end up running 10 miles!

Start a Food Diary! Get a journal and start recording all the food you eat every day. And BE HONEST! There is something about putting it into writing that makes you see how much you really are eating. You might not even be realizing how much you are snaking until you write it down. So start monitoring your eating patterns and take a good honest look at it and what your should and shouldn’t be eating.

Eat More Fruits and Vegetables! If you start to eat more natural foods such as fruits and veggies you will still be full but you will have consumed less calories. And less calories equals less weight.

Stop Eating Out Of Boredom! Many girls eat for emotional reasons NOT because they are actually hungry. So next time you reach for the potato chips or ice cream ask yourself if you are really hungry or if you are just feeling bored or lonely. You will find 9 times out of 10 that you didn’t really need to eat them.

In addition, your confidence will also increase as you start to lose weight. And as your get more confident, you will start to treat yourself and your body better by eating right and exercising daily. So they really go hand in hand and if you get the right combination of confidence building and a healthy diet and exercise you will start to feel better and look better in no time!

Hey Katie,

So, there’s this guy, and in the beginning of the year (Sept. 2008ish), I knew he liked me. He asked me to dance at homecoming, but I kind of said no indirectly. Now it’s June 2009, and I have gotten head over heels for him. He had a girlfriend January but broke up with her around March…which I didn’t know about until recently.

When I was crying on Monday (because of my poor grades), he helped me up and let me cry on his shoulder. Then we talked again the next day, and there were some people passing by joking around asking “Did you ask her yet?” and my crush replied with “We have been going out for three months. I’m dating everyone: you, etc” After that, I was kind of confused.

I don’t know if he’s a shy kind of person or anything like that, but unless there’s actually something to talk about we only talk about that particular thing, and then our conversation’s over…which sucks because I want to talk to him more.
What’s happening?!

Christina, 14

Dear Christina,

Sounds like he was being a little sarcastic when telling those people that he was dating everyone. It is possible that he does like you and may be wondering if you like him or not. Since you turned him down at the dance, he may have interpreted that as you not being interested in him.

When you talk to him try and keep the conversation rolling by asking him questions to get him talking about himself and stuff that he is into. For example, if he likes to read ask him about what books he has been reading lately. You can also bring up current issues that you read in a magazine or saw on TV… “Did you see that girl American Idol last week?” Keep yourself informed on what is going on in the world and your community and you will have lots to talk about!

Here are some more of my tips on how you can start up a conversation with a guy and keep the conversation going! Guys are usually not that good at long conversations because girls develop their social skills much earlier than boys. You just need to help keep the conversation flowing and it will be fine.

Hi Katie,

There is this guy I like and I think he likes me too but I can’t seem to figure out if he likes me or not. I read my friend and his journal (which I know was completly wrong of me) and found out he might ask me out.

I heard his brothers tell everyone he likes me. But he hangs out with other girls. My other friend said he does that to make girls he likes jealous. I’m pretty sure he likes me but I dont know why he doesn’t just ask me out already.

Is he just nervous? Should I ask him out?

Kennedy, 13

Dear Kennedy,

He has told his friends he likes you and written in a journal that he is going to ask you out, so I think he definetly likes you. He is just waiting for a the perfect opportunity to ask you out. Here are some things that you can do…

Make yourself available! When he asks you what your plans are for the weekend, don’t start rattling off a list of things you have to get done. Instead say that you are open still and don’t have any plans. This leave him with an opportunity to ask you out since you are not busy.

Find times when you can be alone with him! Guys don’t like to ask a girl out when she is with her friends or if he is with his friends in fear that if they are rejected other people will witness it. So try to find excuses to be one on one with him, like walk to class together, or at lunch don’t hang with your friends the entire time. Tell them you will be back and go near where he is hanging out and read a magazine or something. If he sees that you are alone, he will be much more comfortable approaching you than if you are with all your girlfriends.

And when he flirts with you flirt back! (So that he knows that you are interested too!) When it comes to asking girls out, guys are very scared of rejection. Esspecially when they are your age and just starting to ask girls out, they like to make 100% sure that the girl is into them too. A good way to flirt back is to laugh at his jokes, have some body contact like squeezing his arm or sholder, use good eye contact, and complement him!

When he is sure that you like him back, he will be WAY more confident that you will say “yes!” when he asks you out. So help boost his confidence and don’t be afraid to show him that you like him back.

Hi Katie,

Okay there is this guy, I really like him and I think he likes me, and I really want to date him. I love him to pieces..he is the sweetest guy I have ever known. I told him my feelings when he was drunk and I told him everything and I ended up falling asleep next to him. I didnt have sex with him but I slept by him, and it was amazing it felt comforting. Please help!

Cassidy, 13

Dear Cassidy,

Hi sweetie! It sounds like you really like this guy and that everything is going great with him! Can you be more specific as to what your question/problem is? Did he not react the way you wanted him to when you told him your feelings? Let me know a little more details and I will help you best I can =)

Hi Katie,

Hey Katie, thanks for answering my last question about if a boy liked me or not and with your answer I think he does like me. But how am I going to tell him that I want to be more than just friends?

Rach, 13

Dear Rach,

When it comes being more than friends, there is a fine line and once you cross it there is no turning back. If you do tell him how you feel, just be prepared for if he doesn’t share your feelings. Things can get awkward, so to play it safe, maybe you can flirt more with him in hopes that he will get the hint and ask you out.

Take matters into your own hands by flirting with him! This can mean touching him lightly on the arm, for example, or laughing at his jokes. Just be playful and communicate that you’re interested. Compliment him! For example you could say something like, “I love your style!” This will differentiate you from a friend zone into the dating zone.

Also, here is a little tip on what NOT to do when asking a guy out. Don’t run up to him and say the words quickly. And defiantly DO NOT have a friend tell him that you like him! Guys HATE that! It is embarrassing and they will think you are immature.

Hi Katie,

I’m 14 and haven’t gotten my period yet. I’m starting to get worried because everyone in my family got it in 8th grade and now I’m going into 9th. Also I’m the only person I know who hasn’t gotten it.

I was also wondering if you get a growth spurt when you do get your period because I’m only 5 feet tall and one of the shortest in my grade. One last thing is it true you lose weight or “baby fat” when you get it because I used to be skinny and now for the last couple of years I’ve gone through a chubby stage.

Thanks,
Izzy, 14

Dear Izzy,

Don’t worry you are going to get your period within the next couple of years. I didn’t get mine until I was 14, and some girls don’t get theirs until they are 15 even 16 sometimes! Your family is always a good guideline for when you might get yours, but that’s all it is, is just a guideline…not an exact science. So just because you didn’t get yours exactly when your mom and sister got theirs does not mean that there is anything wrong with you.

And yes, you will experience some growth spurts, however don’t expect your height to go from 5′ to 5’11″. You may grow slightly taller and you will start to gain weight a little easier and start to get more womanly curves. At your age, whether you’ve started your period or not, your body is going through hormonal changes which could be why your body is filling out more now. This is perfectly normal and expected.

Hi Katie,

I recently started going out with this guy, we just have two weeks of going out and we already have a lot of problems. See he wants me to be more controlling & to tell him who to talk to and who not to, he wants me to tell him not to go out with his friends & I really don’t want to do that because I’m afraid that he’s going to get tired of me later on! He asked me if I’m not afraid of losing him.

He also wants me to stop talking to this guy friend that I have because he doesn’t like him. I really don’t know what to do should I be more controlling & be the jealous type of girlfriend so he stays with me? I really don’t wanna lose him!

Sandy, 16

Dear Sandy,

It sounds like this guy is fishing for signs that you care about him and that you don’t want to lose him. Sometimes when a person in a relationship is acting jealous, the other person feels like they care. This is not a healthy way of expressing your feelings in a relationship, but can happen in some cases. Guys and girls both like to have some sort of validation of the other persons feelings in a relationship.

We all like to know that they are into us as much as we are into them! Tell him that you trust him and are not the jealous type of girlfriend that would do those things he is asking you to do. It is actually better that you trust him and aren’t telling him what he can and can’t do.

Instead, show him in other ways that you care and don’t want to lose him. For example, you can tell him how wonderful and special he is and that you think he is a great boyfriend. By giving him affection and confirmation of your feeling for him in these other ways, he might stop seeking that jealous behavior from you.

But if he continues to try and control you and who you hang out with, ask yourself if that is the kind of guy that YOU want to be with. Jealousy is usually a symptom of insecurity and it usually doesn’t get much better if the guy is already acting jealous in the first two weeks. Just monitor how you feel when he tells you that you can see certain friends, and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Don’t go changing all your friends for him, cause if it doesn’t work out and you’ve abandoned all your friends, you will not have anyone to turn to.

Hi Kate,

Okay, so there’s this one boy, I’ve known him since the fifth grade. He was a new student at my school. I didn’t like him at first though. I had thought he liked me since he kept on following me around and staring at me. And since then I started to slowly like him, day by day, and like when I told him I liked him, he didn’t say anything. After that day, it was like an “awkward” moment for us. We didn’t talk as usual.

And six grade came… we started to talk a little bit more, but still awkwardness. So to make things right, I decided to tell him I didn’t like him anymore and it was so last year’s news, but deep inside I knew I still do. Then I had told one of my closest friends and like they started to embarrass me by saying, “Hey! She is asking you out” & stuff like that, it was very embarrassing. I kept on saying “eww, the f*ck I don’t” to try to defend our friendship. Anyhow, we graduated “elementary” and like now we are in different middle school/Jr.high school. I’m still thinking about him, I think about how he laughs and how he’s funny & stuff like that.

I sometimes got insomnia. I had many dreams about him. I sometimes even think he’s the one. But now, I don’t know what I should do, should I give up on him or should I wait ?

Lina, 13

Dear Lina,

Sometimes when you have liked a guy for a while and think about him a lot, the energy towards him builds up and it may seem like you are liking him more and more. But it is really just your feelings getting built up and more intense over time, until he seems like the only guy in the world. But that is not the case and it doesn’t mean your in love, it’s an infatuation.

You have been sending him some mixed signals, so he is probably pretty confused and doesn’t know what to think. You say he likes you, then you don’t, then your friends are saying you still do…you get the point. He doesn’t know how you feel for sure so he is probably playing it safe by giving you space.

If you want the awkwardness to go away, you have to start by acting as if you are comfortable around him (EVEN if you really aren’t!) If he is around you and you are feeling awkward about what happened in the past, then he will sense your awkwardness and he will feel it too. Feelings are contagious. When you are around happy people, it is much easier to be happy, right? So if you act like nothing is bothering you and that you are confident in yourself, he will feel good when he is around you too.

But if he still feels weird when you are around him after you attempt to hang out with him again, don’t worry, it’s not you. He might just be kinda shy and awkward around girls… especially the ones that like him. If that is the case you may want to focus your energy on something or someone other than him so that you can move on and realize that it was just an infatuation.

Hi Katie,

I really like this boy who is 14 and I’m not sure how to get him to ask me out. He admits that he likes me and that he WOULD go out with me. He’s single now and he calls me everyday and we talk for at least an hour. We also text and email.

The problem is that I haven’t had a boyfriend before and he has had several girlfriends. The other problem is that he seems to also like other girls and so what should I do? He is one of my best friends and he even calls me babe and sexy and he calls us friends with benefits.

Paloa, 13

Dear Paola,

Sounds like this guy is into you, but he may not wanna commit to one girl. It’s not necessarily a bad thing that he has been in other relationships and you haven’t. But it’s not a good thing that he says your his friend with benefits. Sounds like he wants all the benefits that comes with having a girlfriend, but without all the commitment and responsibility of an actual relationship. Maybe his past relationships were a lot of drama so he is afraid to get into one again.
Don’t let him take advantage of you…don’t give him any of the “benefits” if he wants to see other girls, say that you wouldn’t feel right about it and that you want a guy that wants to be with you and no one else. If he sees that you have respect for yourself, he will in turn have more respect for you and value what you have to offer him as a potential girlfriend.

Dear Katie,

I have a boyfriend and I like him a lot, but I don’t know how to talk to my mom about him. She knows I have a boyfriend because she saw online, but she doesn’t know him. We’ve never really talked about guys before. Yesterday he asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him. My best friend and her boyfriend are going too so it’s not like we will be alone. We have been going out for almost four weeks and I really want to go, but I don’t know how to ask my mom. My mom told me she doesn’t want me to be alone with him. That’s the only thing she said about him though. I’m scared of what she will say and I don’t know how to ask or how to bring it up. Please help.

Thanks,
Kenzie, 14

Dear Kenzie,

Usually parents feel like they don’t want to seem nosy and interfere in your life so they don’t ask. Your mom is probably very curious about your boyfriend and would love to hear about him. It sounds like it will be OK with your mom if you go to the movies since you are not going alone. I think you are just afraid she will say no.

When you go to talk to her, talk to her like you always do and ask her without feeling like there is something she will disapprove of. If she senses that you are apprehensive about asking her, then she will be suspicious that you are up to something that you shouldn’t be. I think she will say yes since there is really nothing wrong with you wanting to go to the movies with your friends and boyfriend. Good luck sweetie!

Hi Katie,

Well I like this guy and we would text and stuff. But one day I let his friend use my phone real quick to text someone and he was with the guy I liked and the day before I was texting my friend and how i like him, and I forgot to deleted those messages. Now I’m scared if the guy I like read the messages. He hasn’t text me since, it’s been like 3 weeks already. What should I do? Thank u so much!

Jenean, 13

Dear Kenzie,

You don’t know for sure if he saw the texts or not…so you might be assuming this. Maybe he hasn’t texted you because YOU haven’t texted HIM. Try texting him casually as if he never read the texts. If he still doesn’t respond to your texts, then there is nothing you can really do.

Don’t assume you know why he stopped texting you, there are many reasons and you may never know. Just try not to take it personally that he stopped. And from now on delete texts like that if you don’t want anyone to read them ever…cause for some reason, it’s always texts like that that get into the wrong hands, lol!