Dear Katie,

I met this gut at the beginning of the school year and we became super close. Then he started liking me and I didn’t really like him back but we had a thing for about a week. Then we both dated different people but were still best friends. Then we both broke up with who we were dating and we realized that we liked eachother more than we thought. He told me I gave him mixed signals and he couldnt tell if I really liked him or not so a few days ago he started dating his ex who is a complete slut!

And I cried right in front of him when he told me. I was sooo sad! I really like this guy so what do I do? I’m super comfortable around him! Were like best friend so I tell him everything and at the amusement park the other day we rode a bunch of rides together ane I fell even more in love with him! What am I supposed to do since he has a stupid girlfriend?!

Kayla, 13

Dear Kayla,

In the begining, you weren’t sure if you liked him, and he picked up on the fact that you were not that interested so lost his interest too. He knew that you were not really that into him, so he went for a girl that liked him back. Now that he has a girlfriend you are realizing that you DO like him. It’s either a clasic case of bad timing…or now that he is with another girl he seems more attractive to you. Ask yourself which one it is.

If it is just a case of bad timing, you need to wait until he is single again and THEN you may proceed in flirting with him. But until then, you shouldn’t be telling him your feelings or flirting with him. This will only put him in an awkward situation and he will think you only want him now that he is taken.

Once he is single again, this time be more clear about your feelings with him and don’t be afraid to tell him you like him and wanna go out with him. That way there is no mixed signals again. Sometimes guys need us girls to be straight forward and tell them EXACTLY what we want! Otherwise they really have no clue…they cant read minds! lol!

Dear Katie,

This is my first time asking a question and it’s quiet a long one so please excuse me. Basically there’s this boy Danny and he’s nearly 17 and I’m a year and three months younger. I used to like him and we were in love secretly. He actually kissed me once and then my mom and his dad were seeing a lot of each other. We didn’t know at first. They went on at least 11 dates before we knew and by then it was too late they liked each other. They’d kiss in front of us and my mom would babble on about his dad to me. I didn’t want to destroy her dreams.

When dad left three years ago she started drugs and drinking and I didn’t want to break her down again. I thought it’d only be a going out nothing more so me and Danny continued going out. We’d make out and everything. I even trusted him to have sex with. I don’t know why that smile would make me melt. Then our parents announced that Chris, his dad, proposed to my mom. I was so speechless. I avoided Danny until the wedding. Oh he looked so cute as the best man. And they are two months into there marriage. Danny keeps trying to kiss me and get time alone with me. Sneaking into my room at night times.

The thing is, them married changes every view of Danny for me. It’s like I’m kissing my brother. I love him but I just can’t love him if they are married. But I can’t resist giving him a kiss every day. Do you think what I’m doing is right? Also I can’t tell mom about Danny she made me swear that I wouldn’t go out with a bad boy until I was old enough and she would never approve of Danny. She would send me to live across the world with my gran. That way she’d know I wasn’t seeing him. Am I doing the right thing IS THIS RIGHT please help and sorry for the long letter.

Love Nicole, 15

Dear Nicole,

Honestly there is NOTHING wrong with you liking him and being with him. He is not your REAL brother. Your parents just happened to get married to each other while you were already going out. It is perfectly fine if you wanna continue to have sex with him and date him since it sounds like you guys still really like each other.

Think about it this way. If your mom had found out about you two dating BEFORE she started dating his dad, do you think that would have stopped her? Probably not! She wouldn’t have thought twice about dating his dad. Try not to see it as him being your brother. He is still the same guy you feel in love with. He’s just the son of the guy your mom married.

However, your friends at school might think differently though. You may not wanna tell all your friends at school about him so that rumors don’t get spread. You don’t want people going around saying you are having sex with your brother. Kids in high school are VERY immature and won’t understand. They will twist it around and make it sound way worse.

Understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with continuing to be with this guy. Just keep it to yourself, it is your private life and no one needs to know right now. They will only make you feel insecure about being with him, when there is no reason to feel that way.

Hey Katie,

I don’t know if I like my boyfriend anymore. When I’m with him and we are hanging out with other people I feel awkward and embarrassed and I’m not sure why.

I also feel like I can’t look him in the eye when I talk to him now. I was fine before and could look him in the eye before we started goin out. But now he makes me uncomfortable. I thought I wanted to go further with him but not as far as sex or anything like that, just a bit more than kissing, any ideas? please help!

Rach

Dear Rach,

Sounds like you don’t really like him. If you liked him you wouldn’t feel awkward or embarassed. You will feel good when you are with him and be able to look him in the eye.
You also wanted to know if you should go further with him, but you are definitly not ready for that. If you don’t even like to look him in the eye, you shouldn’t even be with him. Trust me, it’s not going to get any better, and you are only going to like him even less.
Move on sweetie! This guy is not the right guy for you! Find a guy that makes you feel happy to be with.

So me(15) and my boyfriend(17) been going out for 5 months now. We have a great communication and we trust each other 100% but most important we love each other. Last week he told me that he needed to talk to me and so we did.

He wanted to talk about the summer and about how busy he is going to be. He said that in the summer he will barely have time for himself because he needs to work with his dad. He is worried about putting our relationship at risk because in his past relationships that was always a big problem that almost caused his relationships to end.

I told him that is ok that I understand and that I’m going to try to keep myself busy too so that I wont worry about it so much. The thing is that even though I understand now, I know that when the time comes and I want to chill with him over the summer without being able to it is going to cause problems. I love spending time with him and is going to be hard for me to not see him as much as I’m used to then when we have no school.

What should I do?

Catrina, 15

Dear Catrina,

I think the sentence that says it all is what you wrote:
“We have a great communication and we trust each other 100% but most important we love each other.”

That is truly something special and rare that is hard to come by. Sometimes when you love someone you have to think of them and not just yourself and what you want. Yes, there are going to be times when you wish he wasn’t busy so that you could hang out with him more, but you have to realize that he wants the same thing, but he is just not able to.

Try to think of it in a good way. Have you ever heard the saying absence makes the heart grow fonder? It really is true! You will look forward to seeing him and appreciate him so much more when you only get to see him limited times. So I think you have the right idea of finding your own stuff to stay busy with so that your not siting around waiting for him to have time for you…that would be no fun.

He obviously wants your relationship to work and doesn’t want this summer job to ruin what you have. So show him that your relationship is strong enough to last through this summer and that you are willing to make it work as much as him.

His past relationships were obviously not strong enough, so show him that what you guys have is special and is not like his last relationships…it is real love that can handle anything!
This will make your relationship even stronger and he will love you even more for being so understanding and making the best of the situation.

Hi Katie,

Ok hey there is this guy named Nik that I really like and he has been really friendly with me and kinda flirty but my friend says he has a girlfriend. But I do not know if I believe her cause he flirts with me a lot.

So what should I do? Listen to my friend and stop flirting with him or keep doing what I’m doing and see if we go out?

Shanna, 14

Dear Shanna,

Well your friend says that Nik has a girlfriend but you are not sure whether to believe her or not because he flirts a lot with you. But that doesn’t necessarily mean your friend is not correct…there are lots of guys that have girlfriends who flirt with other girls, mainly because the girl they are with is not who they really want to be with.

If you like him, there is no harm in flirting back, but if you wanna be sure that he is single the way to find out is to ask him. This is also a great way to hint to him that you are interested, if you are asking him about his single status he will see that you are into him and he will see an opportunity to ask you out!

But be warned, that if he DOES have a girlfriend and he is flirting with you, he may not fess up to you and tell you the truth about his relationship. So if he says he is single and you are still doubting his answer, find out from some of his friends or people who know him at school. And ask your friend to give you more details of how she heard he has a boyfriend.

Hi Katie,

“What should I do about a guy I like that dosen’t like me?”

~Kayla

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Dear Kayla,

When you like a guy that doesn’t like you back it, the best thing is to leave him alone and focus on guys who like you back. I realize that it is hard sometimes, cause you really like him and can’t stop thinking about him. But if he has given you clear signals that he doesn’t like you then he will just be annoyed if you keep trying to pursue him and talk to him…and you don’t want to be annoying right?

So respect his decision and give him some space. Oh, and don’t get too down on yourself either, think about all the guys that have liked you that you didn’t like back cause there was not a mutual connection. It was not that they were bad guys, you just didn’t have the same feelings.

xoxo

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Okay so there’s this boy I like and I think he likes me too because when were together he is so sweet and nice. But when he is around all his friends he is big headed. He has a girlfriend who is my friend and she dosn’t know that I like him…

But I am in love with him and it hurts to see them hugging. So a few questions… Why when he hugs and kisses her, why does he stare at me? What should i do about it? It’s realy depressing me help!!!

~ Francesca

Dear Francesca,

The fact of the matter is that he is taken. So if it hurts to see them hugging, try not to hang out with your friend when she is with him. But don’t tell her that you like him, there is no reason for that and it will only cause trouble in your friendship. So honor your friend and leave her boyfriend alone. Think about it from her point of view…if you were dating a guy you really liked and she liked him too, how would you want her to act?

Sometimes when a guy is taken he is more attractive than if he were single. Things are always more appealing when other people want them. So ask yourself if you like him because your friend likes him, or if you would like him if he were single.

And about him looking at you when they are hugging/kissing…I wouldn’t read to far into that…it could be that you are staring and he is just looking back. So the best thing to do, is if you are hanging out with your friend and she starts to kiss him, go talk to someone else or look away. It will only be torturing yourself if you stick around and watch them make out.

xoxo

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Click Here For More Advice for Teens!

Please help!

I’ve been seeing this guy for around 7 weeks, it feels like months, he’s emotionally wearing me out, I’m having to think for him all the time, he seems to be totally clueless how to treat a girlfriend, I have to tell him what to do, say, wear. He seems to enjoy me doing all the chasing after him, giving him directions, etc. Even when kissing he doesn’t really know what to do, he just goes through the motions, I’ve tried talking to him regards his behavior or lack of it, it just seems to go over his head.

My friends keep telling me to give him time, also I’ve caught him out a few times at lying, he’s told me he does not smoke, yet I can smell it, and taste it when we kiss, which now I try not to do, cause I don’t like smokers, smell stale, yuk! At the weekend he arrived at my home and said he thought I deserved a treat, and promptly handed me a bunch of artificial roses! He asked if I liked them and I said yes, but they would of been better if they had been real. He replied they will last longer, am I wasting my time with this guy.

Am I ungrateful for wanting real flowers, as I feel it’s much too early for someone to give me artificial flowers? ~ Teresa

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Dear Teresa,

This guy is draining you emotionally. When I read your question one thought came to mind…what do you see in this guy? It sounds like he is not the kind of guy you are looking for. This guy is not going to change, you try to help instruct him and give him tips on how to treat a girlfriend, which is great, but only if he is asking for the advice. If he is not asking for it, he probably doesn’t want to hear it nor comply to your requests. Ask yourself this….do you like the man that he is? or are you trying to make him be the man you want to like?

It’s really not about the fake flowers, if you were really into him you would have loved them fake or real. The core issue here is that you don’t really like this guy and it seems like you are settling for a guy who is not up to par…which you don’t have to do. You are the only one who knows how you truely feel, trust your instincts about this guy, and try to decipher if your gut feeling is telling you that he is not right for you.

xoxo

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Hello Katie,

I often feel that I’m not good enough for my current boyfriend (whom I have been with for a little over a year now). He comes from a very intelligent family and is respectably intelligent himself.

Though I feel confident that I am intelligent and level-headed, it is obvious that my boyfriend is much more academically inclined than me. A lot of it has to do with how we were raised, as it was very different.

Now he is hinting at an engagement and my concern is that I am not the best person for him due to our intellectual differences. (Albeit everything else is very compatible.)

I’m not sure how to reconcile with this issue or feeling and have lately thought of taking some time apart to give him the opportunity to assess our capacity for happiness in light of our differences. I’m not quite sure what to do but now that the holidays are over and life is settling down, a discussion is in order.

Carol

Dear Carol,

When one person has more intelecutal intelligence than you, it can seem intimidating. But you have to remember that having book smarts is not everything, there are tons of stuff you are better at than him. But instead of trying to be just like him, or out do him in other areas to prove you are better, try to see it as you both having good qualities to bring to the relationship and that you can learn from each other.

It seems like you guys are on the same page and in-sink with all other aspects of the relationship. Is it only you that is bothered by the difference in intelligence, or is he? If it is just you, and he is ok with it, it may just be an insecurity of some sort on your part. So remember that you are a very intelligent person…i can tell by the way you write that you are intelligent, so just because he may know more about one subject does not make you any less worthy than him.

He is talking about marrage so he sees something in you that is of great value to him…there are qualities you have that are far more impacting to him than having the same intelligect. This is a good thing because it means he is not with you for what you know but for who you are. Having a special connection to someone who has a great heart and is fun to be with, is far greater quality than having book smarts. Explore that connection you have with him. You are bringing to him something that he loves. Be confident in your value.

xoxo

Yeah, so I’m 15. I’ve never had a boyfriend and it’s never particularly bothered me until my friend brought it up a couple weeks ago. Suddenly I’ve realised I’m one of the only ones I know who’s never been with anyone. It’s made me feel pretty lonely. I don’t know if I’ll ever find anyone!

But then my friend worried me, by saying that if I did meet someone, they might find it weird that I’ve never been with anyone before! Would that give them an incentive to avoid me? Or use me!? I need advice. What do you think I should do? ~ Sierra

Dear Sierra,

You are not alone! I know plently of girls in the same situation. In fact I did not have my first real boyfriend until I was 17.

It is a good thing to be selective and not just have a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend…its a waste of your time if you are not truely into him.

Dont worry about it…you will have one at some point! Just enjoy your time with your friends and keep your options open and get to know some of the boys at your school…who knows, one may end up becoming your boyfriend.

Just remember there is no rush…I know how you feel at this moment and it feels like it will never come…but as soon as you meet a guy that you connect with on that level, you will know and trust me it WILL HAPPEN =)

xoxo

Katie

I’m a little confused and frustrated. How can i get them to ask me ?  Thank you so much for your help!   ~ Mica

 

Dear Mica,

FLIRT BACK! They probably like you which is why they are flirting with you but maybe they dont think you are interested in them.

If they see you flirt and feel the vibe that you are interested in them too they will be more confident that you will say yes if they ask you out.

No one likes to be rejected, so maybe they are not asking you out in fear that you will reject them.

So open up and dont be afraid to flirt back with them. Compliment him in a fun way or joke around and laugh with him, and give him a little nudge here and there during the conversation…a little body contact is always a sure way of flirting…even if you just touch their shoulder of their hand.

These subtle hints will be sure signs that you are interested too!

Good Luck Sweetie!

Katie

Hi Katie,

Me and this guy have been hooking up for 6 months now. At first it was just for fun, but now we like each other and we both know we like each other. He doesn’t want a relationship because he’s afraid when we fight one of us will just say ok, it’s over. Then it will really be over.

So were just staying the way we are. Of course we don’t let one another hook up with other girls. With our fighting it’s really confusing because we fight over the stupidest things. It’s just I’ve never had a guy who “likes me” treat me the way he does.

He jokes around, but it hurts me and when I give the signs of being annoyed or sad, he gets mad at me for acting that way. But then I’ll try to get over it, then he always ends up hooking up with me, and I don’t even notice the game he’s playing.

I don’t know if he likes me anymore or is just more concentrated on hooking up. It is hard because I feel the only way to make him happy anymore is to hook up with him…and that’s all I want to see: him happy. Please HELP me!

By the way it’s hard to just move on because I have been with him for 6 months now. So I obviously have strong feelings for him.

~ Cambria

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Hi Cambria,

Sounds like when he jokes around you take it seriously rather than finding the humor in it.

You weren’t specific on what his jokes were, but if they really are hurtful you need to communicate that to him so he is aware of how his jokes are affecting you.

But tell him in a calm and objective way; don’t tell him when you are all annoyed and mad at him, that could lead to another argument.

If all else fails, find a guy who will make you happy and you feel like you don’t have to try and change anything about yourself for.

Rather than feeling like you always have to please him, start thinking about how you can please yourself.

Best,

Katie

Girl to Girl Talk

Hi Katie,

Ok well I went to homecoming with this guy I haven’t seen in years, and I literally had the BEST time! We danced all night, and I could tell he is totally into me cuz he didn’t take his eyes off me all night.

I know I really like him, and he’s a very respectful outgoing guy. The only thing is I’m usually only up for dating guys who are 19 or 20, with a job, a car, and more maturity.

This guy I currently like is only 16, but like I said …I really like him. So should I go for it? Is dating a guy the same age as you really that bad?

Luv Maddy

Hi Maddy,

At this time in your life you don’t need to be dating a 19 or 20 year old guy. You are not looking for a husband right now so who cares about his job and car right now.

I know from experience, most older guys dating 16 year old girls are losers who can’t get a girl their own age. Go for the 16 year old guy, you are more likely to find true love and a meaningful relationship that is not based on his job or car, because that won’t last.

Plus you really like this guy, go for it! My first love was in high school and he was my same age, 16, and I don’t regret it at all!!!

xoxo

Katie
Girl to Girl Talk