Hi Kate,

Okay, so there’s this one boy, I’ve known him since the fifth grade. He was a new student at my school. I didn’t like him at first though. I had thought he liked me since he kept on following me around and staring at me. And since then I started to slowly like him, day by day, and like when I told him I liked him, he didn’t say anything. After that day, it was like an “awkward” moment for us. We didn’t talk as usual.

And six grade came… we started to talk a little bit more, but still awkwardness. So to make things right, I decided to tell him I didn’t like him anymore and it was so last year’s news, but deep inside I knew I still do. Then I had told one of my closest friends and like they started to embarrass me by saying, “Hey! She is asking you out” & stuff like that, it was very embarrassing. I kept on saying “eww, the f*ck I don’t” to try to defend our friendship. Anyhow, we graduated “elementary” and like now we are in different middle school/Jr.high school. I’m still thinking about him, I think about how he laughs and how he’s funny & stuff like that.

I sometimes got insomnia. I had many dreams about him. I sometimes even think he’s the one. But now, I don’t know what I should do, should I give up on him or should I wait ?

Lina, 13

Dear Lina,

Sometimes when you have liked a guy for a while and think about him a lot, the energy towards him builds up and it may seem like you are liking him more and more. But it is really just your feelings getting built up and more intense over time, until he seems like the only guy in the world. But that is not the case and it doesn’t mean your in love, it’s an infatuation.

You have been sending him some mixed signals, so he is probably pretty confused and doesn’t know what to think. You say he likes you, then you don’t, then your friends are saying you still do…you get the point. He doesn’t know how you feel for sure so he is probably playing it safe by giving you space.

If you want the awkwardness to go away, you have to start by acting as if you are comfortable around him (EVEN if you really aren’t!) If he is around you and you are feeling awkward about what happened in the past, then he will sense your awkwardness and he will feel it too. Feelings are contagious. When you are around happy people, it is much easier to be happy, right? So if you act like nothing is bothering you and that you are confident in yourself, he will feel good when he is around you too.

But if he still feels weird when you are around him after you attempt to hang out with him again, don’t worry, it’s not you. He might just be kinda shy and awkward around girls… especially the ones that like him. If that is the case you may want to focus your energy on something or someone other than him so that you can move on and realize that it was just an infatuation.

“I really like this boy but I don’t no how to get closer to him without going too far and we’ve been going out for three months. What should I do?”
~ Alexandria, 14

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Dear Alexandria,

This is a great question! You may be confusing closeness with intimacy. Physical closeness does always transfer into emotional closeness. I think you want to get closer to him emotionally and are seeing going further physically is the only way to achieve that. But that is not what will happen. If you are not ready to go further….which by how you are talking I get the idea that you are not ready to go “too far” with him…you should definitely find other ways besides physical to get closer to your boyfriend.

You can get closer many other ways such as by talking more and sharing deeper stories. Talk about childhood stories and future goals. Talk about what you think love is and your views on life. Spend more time together and hang out one on one. Share your feelings for him. All of these things will bring you guys closer without having to go further physically.

A lot of times at your age, (and even at my age, 25!) guys will try to pressure you into thinking that sex is the next step of your relationship and they almost expect a girl to be ready after a few short months. If this is the case, and he is pressuring you and making you feel that that is the only way to get closer to him, then that is not cool and you should definitely not do it. Think about it this way…no girl ever pressures a guy into having sex to get “closer” to her. Girls just don’t view closeness this way…like I mentioned earlier, we see closeness as being emotionally connected with someone…not physically!

If you feel that you are being pressured into going too far with him….trust your instincts and don’t do it. Because if you do end up going further than you are comfortable with, you will only end up feeling further away from him…NOT closer!

xoxo

Katie

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“Hey I am 15 and I am getting into a serious relationship. All my friends including my boyfriend want to go out to the movies or bowling or something but my parents are so protective! I never get to go do anything like that and when I ask my mom just tells me I am to young to date or I can only go if she goes! I don’t want her to go because that would be embarrassing!

What should I do? I read in another question kind of like this that you said to earn their trust! I believe I have their trust because I never lie to them about where I am going or what I am doing (when I get to go)…

I think most of the reason that I can’t go is because of my boyfriend but I have told them nothing is going to happen between me and him there will not be any sex or anything like that! But they just don’t understand and think that things are the same as when they were my age! Can you help?”

~Haelee, 15

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Dear Haelee,

I can see that your parents really care about you and are trying to protect you from what they went through at your age…but as a 15 year old, that can be a real drag! So here is what you can try doing… Your mom said you can’t go out with him unless she goes, maybe she is just scared of the two of you being alone together.

So arrange a group outing like maybe have several of your friends all go to the movies together that way it is a group of friends and he can go along too. This way it is not like a “date” and is more just a hang out and get to know each other thing. Your mom might be more comfortable knowing that you will be with other people and not just one on one with him.

xoxo

Katie

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